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So the Singularity happened. All because a guy lost his arm.
Hve no clue what you were trying to accomplish here. Sorry...
Hve no clue what you were trying to accomplish here. Sorry…
See lessJasmine Cowl is pissed: 15 ago, she managed to save the world. Now she?s stuck in a boring, life, working for the CIA… not that CIA, the other one. Disgruntled gnomes, talking islands, and a car that seems to have taken a life of its own force themselves into Jasmine?s life as a hunt for a powerful wand turns her life inside out.
One moment you're telling us she's living a boring life, next sentence her life's turned inside out. Start with "When", or "After" or "Before"- it gives the reader an idea of what the protag's life was life first; the rest will tell us why and how things will change. Discard character's name; unlessRead more
One moment you’re telling us she’s living a boring life, next sentence her life’s turned inside out.
Start with “When”, or “After” or “Before”- it gives the reader an idea of what the protag’s life was life first; the rest will tell us why and how things will change. Discard character’s name; unless they are famous, it’s a waste of valuable logline real estate. You want less than thirty words, if possible…
See lessA doctor battles his fear of needles to rescue his daughter from a former physician, the source of his phobia, bound to his daughter by blood.
I think the issue is less with the logline than with the concept itself. This sounds more like a regular day in the life of millions of people, not a unique conflict. No one goes to movies (or produces movies) that are similar to a regular day in the life, unless your filming a documentary. The confRead more
I think the issue is less with the logline than with the concept itself. This sounds more like a regular day in the life of millions of people, not a unique conflict. No one goes to movies (or produces movies) that are similar to a regular day in the life, unless your filming a documentary.
The conflict is minimal; I could have saved you 410 revisions.
As the logline goes, technically, you repeat the word “daughter” (not good), you hint of his phobis twice (not necessary), and we have no earthly idea what “bound to his daughter by blood” menas; are they related? We also don’t know what he’s rescuing her from (obstacles), what will happen if he fails (stakes), the “hook” (what makes this story unique), etc.
Needs #412. Start with the word “When…”, and it will help force you to answer many of this unknowns. Most importantly, if the concept isn’t “there”, move on to another story. Good luck!
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