Kriss is right. I’d love to read one logline that didn’t reference a “dark past” as an obstacle, a “fight for survival” and a “global uprising” as the stakes, and “protecting the one’s he loves” as the goal.

At least, you called them “undead monsters” and not zombies.

Hey, I love zombies as much, if not more, than the next Undead-Head, but the object of the concept is to say something different, write something we haven’t seen- not only 100 times- but even once.

So, while the issue may NOT be in the logline itself, it is so void of anything tangible, any substance, that it really is hard to comment on.

On a positive note, I think you write loglines well enough, that, with the right elements, you could really nail one. Yours is forty three words long. The goal is thirty or under (think 10 words per line, three lines or less).
So, improve the elements (l-o-g-l-i-n-e acronym), and cut it down by ten or more, and your good to go!

Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge.

Nicholas- it is SO refreshing to have someone who actually UNDERSTANDS what a “hook” is, and by virute of Kriss’questions, it is clear that he also understands it, and why it is so important. I’m so delighted in that alone…

While I also immediately thought of “16 Blocks”, I tried to think back if any of these “similar-type” plots involved a cop-killer, and so far, only “The Negotiator” comes to mind, but it is still different enough. At first glance, I’m thinking as simplistic as this concept is, it just may be unique enough to be a hit. As a former police officer and detective myself in a major city, I have an invested interest in stories like this. I’ve lived this story, in many different ways.

That being said, rule one of any logline is to get the spelling correct: it is self-defense.

Rule number two is to not repeat a word in the thirty-word-or-less logline, if at all possible. Therefore, you’ll need to change the second “cop” and “witness” to other words.

The logline could use a little more work, but you are way ahead of the game with a great, simple concept, easily understood by the masses in one sentence, and a project with a great title, and easily a great soundtrack.

My last screenplay, the multi-award winning “Banking on Betty”, has a similar concept- unique but different than this one. Mine was an action/comedy buddy-buddy movie with a similar premise, while this is clearly a crime drama.

Great job!

Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge