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A grieving couple?s predictable world gets upended when a mysterious child, who looks just like the nine-year old son they lost 7 years before, shows up on their doorstep. Looking to spice up this logline, appreciate any and all feedback.
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge
See lessA spoiled teen is sent to live with her Grandfather who is the storyteller for his tribe; will she have the worst summer of her life or will she relent and learn about her heritage.
Cool title. Loglines shouldn't sound like ad campiagns, and when you form it as a question, the first reaction is going to be "Who cares?", or "No", not "Ooh, let's read it and find out. Rhetorical questions almost never work. That being said, you need to ratchet up the conflict. Not having a greatRead more
Cool title. Loglines shouldn’t sound like ad campiagns, and when you form it as a question, the first reaction is going to be “Who cares?”, or “No”, not “Ooh, let’s read it and find out. Rhetorical questions almost never work.
That being said, you need to ratchet up the conflict. Not having a great summer is hardly a consequence she might have if she doesn’t learn about her heritage. Think about ways in which not knowing can hurt her- either physically, emotionally or otherwise: she could have a disease that has been passed down through the family, and not know about it, she could be missing out on Indian casino shares she’s not aware of, she could discover who her real father was, etc.
Sounds like a good concept, so don’t cheat yourself with a less-than-perfect logline.
See lessA grieving couple?s predictable world gets upended when a mysterious child, who looks just like the nine-year old son they lost 7 years before, shows up on their doorstep. Looking to spice up this logline, appreciate any and all feedback.
Darn, that was the best part of the logline! (jk)... The concept, while not terrible unique, is still a good one, but you have two numbers mentioned in the logline (9 and 7). I'd get rid of one, or both, actually. Losing a child would seem to have much more of an emotional impact rather then settlinRead more
Darn, that was the best part of the logline! (jk)…
The concept, while not terrible unique, is still a good one, but you have two numbers mentioned in the logline (9 and 7). I’d get rid of one, or both, actually. Losing a child would seem to have much more of an emotional impact rather then settling for a mundane “predictable” life, wouldn’t you think? I would work on that and ratchet up the emotion more. The basic premise of the logline is correct, IMO: “This happens, and this was the result, but then this happens again, and this is what it’s all about!”
If you start out with “When”, or “After”, or “As”, and the logline will fall into place.
The Turning Season- interesting title. Love to know the connection between the title and story…
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