1. Posted: September 4, 2012In:

    A child psychologist wants to help Cole, a young boy who reminds him of a boy he once failed, looking into Cole's life Cole looks into his. Cole's secret, "I see dead people."

    sharkeatingman

    Maybe my understanding of the film is different than yours, or perhaps even lacking. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I figured out that Willis' character was killed two seconds after he was shot, so from that point on, I thought it was a terrible film. Whatever the reason is, this "mRead more

    Maybe my understanding of the film is different than yours, or perhaps even lacking. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I figured out that Willis’ character was killed two seconds after he was shot, so from that point on, I thought it was a terrible film. Whatever the reason is, this “minor” point of the movie is still a mere plot point. It is not the inciting incident, it is not a climax, it is not even a twist, therefore, IMO, it is not a “hook” and doesn’t qualify to be in the logline. The psychologist also suspects his wife is cheating on him; why is that not in the logline? For the same reason.

    We ARE talking loglines, not a synopsis of the entire movie. By the way, if you conduct a Google search on this film, you would be hard pressed to see many mentions of this plot point. Much of the synopses found mostly discuss the “seeing dead people”, and none mention the shooter in the logline.

    There’s only a limited amount of words one should use for a logline and, IMO, wasting words on this minor plot point- much like your four repeats of the character’s name- is a bad idea.

    As I explained, I was offering my opinion with my only intention to help. You, on the other hand, became argumentative and insulting. In your overwhelming desire to “always be right” (yes, we’ve been down this road before; several times, in fact) you’ve deterred me from offering further assistance to you down the road. However, you should receive many helpful and highly qualified responses from several of the other reader’s and judges on the site. Enjoy;
    I wish you nothing but the best.

    Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge

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  2. Posted: September 5, 2012In:

    A nurse helps two vampires rob a mobile blood bank.

    sharkeatingman

    Nicholasandrewhalls- As a concept, it'll make a great, funny skit or short, although I must tell you that the TV show "Death Valley" featuring the U.T.F. (Undead Task Force), had an entire episode (22 min.) on this very topic. It, too, was hilarious and well-done. You might find it on youTube somewhRead more

    Nicholasandrewhalls- As a concept, it’ll make a great, funny skit or short, although I must tell you that the TV show “Death Valley” featuring the U.T.F. (Undead Task Force), had an entire episode (22 min.) on this very topic. It, too, was hilarious and well-done. You might find it on youTube somewhere.

    As a logline, though, it it missing many of the elements. What you have here is more of an idea than a logline. A logline with this premise might look more like:

    “A entrepreneurial phlebotomist unknowingly hires a roving band of vampires, then accidentally assists them in robbing the mobile blood bank business in which he invested his life savings.”

    It’s obviously a different story, but it contains the protag (phelebotomist), antag (roving band of vampires), goal (to have a successful business), stakes (no pun intended…but losing his savings, his business and his blood), obstacles (not aware that he hired these vampires), “hook” (vampires robbing a mobile blood bank concept), genre (comedy) and irony (vampires hired to work at blood bank).

    Hope this helps!

    Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge

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  3. Posted: August 31, 2012

    True story of a brilliant professional gambler and the owner of an elegant sporting parlor defending his life against a evil U.S.Marshal, who in a jealous rage is seeking out a personal vendetta in the American south during the late 1880's.

    sharkeatingman

    Yes, that version is much more improved. I think words like "gambler", outhouse, and "U.S. Marshall" hints enough at the historic time frame where you might not need the year in the logline. My overriding concern is this: replace "nailed to an outhouse door" with her face being slashed, and "gamblerRead more

    Yes, that version is much more improved. I think words like “gambler”, outhouse, and “U.S. Marshall” hints enough at the historic time frame where you might not need the year in the logline.

    My overriding concern is this: replace “nailed to an outhouse door” with her face being slashed, and “gamblers” with hired guns, and you’ve got the logline for “Unforgiven”.

    Perhaps that movie was inspired by the same historic incident. Just a thought…

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