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Feeling danger, the Goddess calls the riders of the winged white unicorns to seek humanities threat. Finding the army of Gargoyles, the armies of the Bouicendeni rise, the sound waves of their battle cry are caste at the Gargoyles feet, exploding in the ground the Gargoyles are thrust up into the atmosphere and their deaths.
It sounds to me that you are confusing the essence (and purpose) of a logline with that of a synopsis. You need certain elements of the story to write an effective logline. You'll need the protagonist (hero), the antagonist (villian), the protag's goal, the obstacles or what is preventing them fromRead more
It sounds to me that you are confusing the essence (and purpose) of a logline with that of a synopsis. You need certain elements of the story to write an effective logline. You’ll need the protagonist (hero), the antagonist (villian), the protag’s goal, the obstacles or what is preventing them from achieving that goal, the stakes (or what they stand to lose if they don’t achieve their goal), the hook (what separates this from other stories) and it must give you a sense of the genre. Once you identify these elements from your story, the logline basically writes itself. You’ll want to keep it to 30 words or less, 25 if possible, to make it a first-rate logline, though.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
(Geno Scala- judge)
See lessTo save his country from invaders and win the hand of his childhood sweetheart (the king?s now widowed daughter), a disgraced young nobleman must triumph in the Knights League: a year-long tournament followed like a sport by rich and poor alike.
My advice to you would be to change up the "stock-standard setting". Create a different world, avoiding the cliches, and your concept, and logline, will stand out. Switching the words around, deleting some, adding others won't change the biggest (self-admitted) problem you have with this story. It aRead more
My advice to you would be to change up the “stock-standard setting”. Create a different world, avoiding the cliches, and your concept, and logline, will stand out. Switching the words around, deleting some, adding others won’t change the biggest (self-admitted) problem you have with this story. It all starts with concept.
See lessIn a future with anti-gravity tech, a gang of street-wise orphans help a celebrity "sky-runner" athlete accused of terrorism survive the planet’s deadly slums and destroy the cyborg general who framed him.
I disagree with John, actually. I don't think names should be included in a logline unless they are historical or famous figures. I do agree with him that it is too long and contains unnecessary information, as far as a logline is concerned. I think you can remove the mention of the setting (future)Read more
I disagree with John, actually. I don’t think names should be included in a logline unless they are historical or famous figures. I do agree with him that it is too long and contains unnecessary information, as far as a logline is concerned.
I think you can remove the mention of the setting (future). You can come to that conclusion with some of the other words.
“Street-wise punks save a once-famous “anti-gravity skyrunner” and help attempt tracking down the Cyborg leader who framed him for terrorism.”
Words like “cyborg”, “anti-gravity” clearly show the genre (Sci-fi), the skyrunner is probably the protag, and the cyborg is your antag; the goal is to track down the cyborg, the stakes are that he’s been falsely accused and on the lam, probably death; the conflict is a once-heralded athlete pairing up with street punks. The hook is the world of “sky-running” which is something unique to your story. That pretty much covers it!
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