Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
After a twisted psychopath is murdered, an evil entity targets the current lineage of those responsible to husk, and kill them to sate his revenge.
Wereviking: I believe the "hook" and ironic twist are two different things. The "hook" CAN be an ironic twist, but an ironic twist is not necessarily the hook. The hook is the part of your story that separates it from all of the others in that genre. In this story, to me, it sound sas if the "huskinRead more
Wereviking: I believe the “hook” and ironic twist are two different things. The “hook” CAN be an ironic twist, but an ironic twist is not necessarily the hook. The hook is the part of your story that separates it from all of the others in that genre. In this story, to me, it sound sas if the “husking” or shucking of the victim’s skin, while alive, is a particularly gruesome way to die (or NOT die), and plays into the location, State of Nebraska- United States- which is known for, among other things, their rolling cornfields. One picks and shucks the “husks” of corn, so I imagine it is a play on that.
McCreedy- I appreciate using my suggestion as a model for the new logline, although it is not necessary. I personally do not think “young, mid-western” is either intriguing or original. Might want to find other characteristics about her to use to describe her. This is where the irony comes in. Imagine a college professor without a HS diploma; a marriage counselor who has been divorced seven times; a kindergarten teacher who hates kids; an English princess who runs off to live with an American plumber in a trailer park (one of my comedies, “Royal Flush”)…
See lessDistraught that his favourite daughter was captured. King Neptune wanted her back, now he is getting angry, very angry.
I'm not as concerned about the "freshness" of the concept as I am the logline itself, and this one needs works still. It sounds more like a tagline than an actual logline. Let's break it down: Protag- King Neptune, I assume. Antag- Unknown (be specific) Goal- to get daughter back (favourite daughterRead more
I’m not as concerned about the “freshness” of the concept as I am the logline itself, and this one needs works still. It sounds more like a tagline than an actual logline. Let’s break it down:
Protag- King Neptune, I assume.
Antag- Unknown (be specific)
Goal- to get daughter back (favourite daughter? Who has favoured children?)
Inner Conflict- if it’s his “favourite”, we’d expect him to go after her at any cost; it’s his kid. If you make THIS relationship conflicting in some way, like a mean, ungrateful step-child, that would add to the conflict.
Outer Conflict- instead of having the family- and humans- willing to help, you might change it to NO ONE help him, and in fact, impede his chances of saving her. The key is to create a conflict not only in the overall plot, but in each and every scene as well.
Irony- none mentioned yet. Neptune is God of the seas. In order to make “it” ironic, he’ll have to be unable to swim, or have to spend a lot of time on land, rendering his powers relatively useless. This could add to a lot of comedy. Imagine the God of the Seas in an office environment at the corporation that runs the fishing trawlers, let’s say, and during a dispute, controls the water in a 1000 gallon tank, splashing over the Board of Directors, having fish flop everywhere!
Genre- not clear
Hook- King Neptune in live action walking about current day America (or wherever)? That’s pretty original and intriguing, so I definitely think it’s worth pursuing.
You must include a scene at the Neptune Society. Maybe he can complain about all of the bodies and cremains being dumped and “buried” in his seas?
Good luck! Hope this was helpful.
See lessFor single mother Beth, raising teenage twins & juggling a career just got medieval when into her world lands a baby dragon named George.
I love it! It's arranged a bit differently than I usually like, and Paul's right about adding the paleontologist information, but overall, it reads like an excellent logline, providing it IS a family comedy. Reminds me of "Harry and The Hendersons" type of film. Of course there will be comparisons tRead more
I love it! It’s arranged a bit differently than I usually like, and Paul’s right about adding the paleontologist information, but overall, it reads like an excellent logline, providing it IS a family comedy. Reminds me of “Harry and The Hendersons” type of film. Of course there will be comparisons to “How To Train A Dragon”, so you may have some issues there.
High Concept? I define HC as orginal, intriguing, easily understood by the masses, and simple to explain in one sentence. I think you hit it out of the park in all areas. While dragons may not BE original, either are mafia movies, or buddy-buddy comedies. It’s what you DO with that story that makes it original. If this can be done in live action, like Jurassic Park, as opposed to animation, it will be a first for me!
I’m curious as to the title you may have come up with.
See less