1. Posted: April 13, 2020In:

    An emotionally-stunted, apathetic playboy learns to grieve his father’s death and appreciate life from a terminally ill woman, who loves life.

    Trix Samurai

    Hi DH, dpg is right, this needs some specifics for what we'll see on screen. ?I immediately saw the playboy having to return to his place of birth and sort his father's affairs and being totally sidelined by the woman (his father's nurse? maid? lover?) and her approach to life (and maybe his pre-plaRead more

    Hi DH,

    dpg is right, this needs some specifics for what we’ll see on screen. ?I immediately saw the playboy having to return to his place of birth and sort his father’s affairs and being totally sidelined by the woman (his father’s nurse? maid? lover?) and her approach to life (and maybe his pre-playboy past… what made him a playboy in the first place? ?What is he covering up?)

    Regards
    Trix

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  2. Posted: April 9, 2020In:

    Disillusioned with Hollywood, a movie star returns to her Midwest hometown to attend her high school reunion – only to reignite old flames, rivalries and loves.

    Trix Samurai

    Hi DH,Ultimately I think you should write the film YOU want to. ? If that?s an internal objective, so be it ? being told you can?t do that is BS. ?I suppose what they are saying is that the logline is looking for the objective goal that also heals the subjective, internal need/goal? ? It depends onRead more

    Hi DH,

    Ultimately I think you should write the film YOU want to. ? If that?s an internal objective, so be it ? being told you can?t do that is BS. ?I suppose what they are saying is that the logline is looking for the objective goal that also heals the subjective, internal need/goal? ? It depends on your motives? It could find indie status rather than mainstream, or it may just end up a piece that really helps you hone your voice and never sees the light of day ? that doesn?t mean it hasn?t been successful.

    Hmm? as the others have pointed out, this needs a hook (and a good one to be able to compete with other films set like this)? at the moment you have a backdrop?

    I?d say you need to focus on what she?s struggling with ? the industry giving her an expiry date and society?s perception of beauty. ?Your hook will lie somewhere in there and you could tell this as a cautionary or an empowering tale.

    What does ?beauty? say to me off the top of my head?:

    • Instagram
    • Plastic
    • Cosmetics
    • Plastic surgery
    • Growing old gracefully
    • Hard truths
    • Conventions (like comic con)
    • Botched surgery
    • Older men with young women, but not Older women with young men
    • Filters (insta)
    • Gym bunnies
    • Recluses
    • Stress

    Have you seen ?Film Stars Don?t Die in Liverpool?https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5711148/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1?OMG what a great romance. So bittersweet and tender. ?An ageing Hollywood beauty falls in love with a young actor from Liverpool.

    Regards
    Trix

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  3. Posted: April 9, 2020In:

    With the help of his undead lost love, a reluctant store manager must return to the island where she was slain to prevent the escape of a primitive evil before the anniversary of her death.

    Best Answer
    Trix Samurai

    Hi Odie, I like the idea - and that you have a hero fighting for a dead love. ?I think Nir is right, you need some more clarity between the elements in this logline, or, reading your response to guswakey, I wonder if you need to phrase it completely differently. ?Here are my thoughts: Why HIM and whRead more

    Hi Odie,

    I like the idea – and that you have a hero fighting for a dead love. ?I think Nir is right, you need some more clarity between the elements in this logline, or, reading your response to guswakey, I wonder if you need to phrase it completely differently. ?Here are my thoughts:

    • Why HIM and why he MUST stop the evil escaping needs to made clear in the logline.
    • You say only he can save his girl…but she’s already dead. ?Is it her soul he’s saving?
    • What will the evil do if it escapes? ?Is this the stakes or is his girl the stakes? ?Or both?
    • I agree, maybe steering clear of ‘corpse’ is a good thing! LOL… are we talking more an enchanting spirit/sexy ghost/basically a dead version of her live self?
    • Is the type of store he runs a twist to your tale or what makes him perfect for the job? ?It may help to divulge this as his descriptor (rather than ‘reluctant’… almost all protagonists are reluctant at first… doesn’t he want to save her soul or is he in denial/a coward/what?)
    • Is her appearance the inciting incident for the film, so we’re a year on… or are you placing this straight after the time he breaks the rule/her death and making that the inciting incident?
    • I’m not sure we need to know about the island in the logline, or necessarily that she helps him… it’s his mission and we need to know what sparks it, why only he can fix it, what he’s up against, and what the stakes are.
    • Maybe along the lines of: A XXX store manager must undo the evil curse he?inadvertently?unleashed?to save the soul of his murdered girlfriend before XXX.
    • Or: ?Haunted by?visions of his murdered girlfriend, a cowardly XXX must undo?an evil curse intent on devouring her soul on the anniversary of her death.

    Regards
    Trix

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