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When the bosses lady catches her husband cheating, she plots her revenge and takes him out, but when a silent witness comes forward and a bounty is put on her head she must escape the bloodshed.
Good constructive info Kriss Tolliday :D The main problem is the two story syndrome.. It does suggest a midpoint but for a midpoint to work it has to be exceptional and very few movies make it work ie. Psycho.. Another problem is its very hard to read.. As Kriss mentioned "After catching..." works fRead more
Good constructive info Kriss Tolliday 😀
The main problem is the two story syndrome..
It does suggest a midpoint but for a midpoint to work it
has to be exceptional and very few movies make it work ie. Psycho..
Another problem is its very hard to read..
As Kriss mentioned “After catching…” works fine and gets us in there straight away..
The main purpose for a logline is to execute unique concept in its simplest form and hook us in..
After catching her husband cheating, a desperate wife plots revenge before**…?
The movie naturally ends with her killing the husband.
Also vice versa
“After failing to kill her unfaithful husband, a desperate wife must evade a slew of bounty hunters before**…”
In this example it demonstrates another approach.
Add a ticking clock to give us urgency..
What is her goal after the bounty hunters are hunting her ??
Happy writing 😀
Tor
See lessOlivia, 25, a pothead, decides to hitchike from her home in Sydney to Cairns via the A1 coastal highway to see her estranged mother after her father fires her from his restaurant hoping she'll do something more with her life and quit cannabis.
After loosing her job, an unmotivated stoner hitch hikes across country to make peace with her estranged mother..." Simplify your concept down to it's core.. What is the urgency ?? What is she risking ?? Why is she seeing her mother ?? Why does she have to quit drugs ?? Define character weakness andRead more
After loosing her job, an unmotivated stoner hitch hikes across country to make peace with her estranged mother…”
Simplify your concept down to it’s core..
What is the urgency ??
What is she risking ??
Why is she seeing her mother ??
Why does she have to quit drugs ??
Define character weakness and not be repetitive..
Happy writing 😀
Tor
See lessFrom professional football player to professional coach he leads the top team to victory and breaks multimillion dollar contracts a long the way.
Very vague and more of a tag line than logline. Why does he have to win ?? Whats at stake ?? Why is he breaking multimillion dollar contracts ?? What is the protagonists weakness ?? What obstacles stand in the way of the protagonist ?? Try to include all the unique factors that make this concept staRead more
Very vague and more of a tag line than logline.
Why does he have to win ??
Whats at stake ??
Why is he breaking multimillion dollar contracts ??
What is the protagonists weakness ??
What obstacles stand in the way of the protagonist ??
Try to include all the unique factors that make this concept stand out from the crowd..
Happy writing 😀
Tor
See less