1. Posted: March 21, 2013In:

    After the death of his estranged father, Robert Krunch, a disgruntled office worker in his late 20s, must take his fathers place as an elite high speed hover car racer for a chance at a new life.

    Tor Dollhouse

    I disagree strongly with the above comments.. What are the stakes ?? Why must he take his fathers place.. What new life ?? Be specific not generic.. Names and age are irrelevant and should only be used when there is an historical figure.. The logline reads like one scene, probably the inciting incidRead more

    I disagree strongly with the above comments..

    What are the stakes ?? Why must he take his fathers place..
    What new life ?? Be specific not generic..

    Names and age are irrelevant and should only be used when there is an historical figure..

    The logline reads like one scene, probably the inciting incident..

    Also the protagonist is generic and boring. Give our hero an occupation that intrigues us..
    Great conflict comes from circumstance..

    Happy writing 😀

    Tor

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  2. Posted: March 19, 2013In:

    The dying emperor of a crumbling galactic empire struggles to hold onto power amidst political intrigue and a coming war.

    Tor Dollhouse

    Like Star Wars BUT from the Emperors point of view!! I LOVE IT

    Like Star Wars BUT from the Emperors point of view!! I LOVE IT

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  3. Posted: March 15, 2013

    A tortured former artist, now a compassionate young counselor, has dedicated his life to helping other misfortunate souls. As the troubles of a difficult past continues to cause harm, another life he struggles harder to save is just as important to him as his own?

    Tor Dollhouse

    The new attempt is much better and on the right track, with a hook it would be spot on.. Happy writing :D Tor

    The new attempt is much better and on the right track, with a hook it would be spot on..

    Happy writing 😀

    Tor

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