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An ancient vampire re-awakens on a remote Irish island. An addicted American doctor must struggle with his own demons before confronting this evil.
Yeah really, i will prefer if you can just make this into one sentence. You can still do that. In this case try to slip in a link between the American doctor and the vampire, probably the vampire is a long lost friend, a relative or co-worker, something that will strike an ironical or emotional chorRead more
Yeah really, i will prefer if you can just make this into one sentence. You can still do that. In this case try to slip in a link between the American doctor and the vampire, probably the vampire is a long lost friend, a relative or co-worker, something that will strike an ironical or emotional chord and challenge the doctor. The first sentence is okay, i guess you should keep that, but then the link is also important in piecing the sentence together.
See lessWhen a guilt-ridden trainee cop is bitten by a vampire, he becomes the one officer powerful enough to take on the crime syndicate terrorizing the city. He must overcome his past and defeat the syndicate in order to restore peace within himself and the city.
Quite interesting, specific but too wordy. Also by indicating that "he must overcome his past and defeat a syndicate in order to restore peace within himself and the city" is bringing in too much conflict into the set-up hence the length of words. Taking on a crime syndicate is obviously what is neeRead more
Quite interesting, specific but too wordy. Also by indicating that “he must overcome his past and defeat a syndicate in order to restore peace within himself and the city” is bringing in too much conflict into the set-up hence the length of words. Taking on a crime syndicate is obviously what is needed to restore peace either in the city or within himself and this should be sufficient and lessen the burden of extending the sentences. You can therefore remove the part of restoring peace within himself.
See lessAfter a translator?s wife is found murdered and turned into a shadow creature, Charlie must interpret her glitched speech to discover the mystery behind her death.
I will like to know Charlie's relationship with the murdered translators wife or the translator himself. If you add one or two things about this it'll sure make a difference. Secondly, you have two conflicting issues here. She is turned into a shadowy creature, does this literally mean she's dead, sRead more
I will like to know Charlie’s relationship with the murdered translators wife or the translator himself. If you add one or two things about this it’ll sure make a difference. Secondly, you have two conflicting issues here. She is turned into a shadowy creature, does this literally mean she’s dead, since you have indicated this of course in the last words “mystery behind her death” If she’s actually dead as in murdered, how then is she giving a glitched speech. I think you should do something about that. “Resurrected” could be a key word just as Patrockable said. If she’s dead, then she’s dead. If she’s a shadow creature that can give speeches, then you should give more details about that .
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