1. Posted: December 17, 2012In:

    An American single-father, hoping to reconcile with his greatest love, travels back to Ireland to learn she is dying with a 10-year-old daughter who is actually his.

    TX

    Firstly, the description of the father as a single father does not match the fact that he doesn't even know he has a daughter which appears at the end of the logline, unless he is a single father from another relationship not related to the one in the main plot. You may need to find another descriptRead more

    Firstly, the description of the father as a single father does not match the fact that he doesn’t even know he has a daughter which appears at the end of the logline, unless he is a single father from another relationship not related to the one in the main plot. You may need to find another description for him. Secondly, you can give more description to why his love is actually dying (from an ailment, depression, accident, whatever). Finally , i think the plot needs more goals. After his discovery, what happens? Does he want to back out or what?. All this will keep the reader interested in finding out what happens next.

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  2. Posted: December 17, 2012In:

    ?While attending the Presidential Inauguration, a photojournalist will have to fight for his life after snapping a photo that was never meant for his eyes.?

    TX

    I can understand that this is intended to capture the reader with a pleasant suspense and i admit i am a little curious buy will be more curious for instance if you describe "what was never meant for his eyes" better. As Debbiemoon ,mentioned, you have to be more descriptive about why he will have tRead more

    I can understand that this is intended to capture the reader with a pleasant suspense and i admit i am a little curious buy will be more curious for instance if you describe “what was never meant for his eyes” better. As Debbiemoon ,mentioned, you have to be more descriptive about why he will have to fight for his life and probably how he intends to do that. Otherwise it will sound too plain altogether. The plot is however very clear and should make for an enticing story.

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  3. Posted: December 17, 2012In:

    When an idealistic free spirit discovers his best friend is terminally ill, he must inspire her through music to live, before she gives up hope.

    TX

    I think the word "must" may not be necessary. You might just do away with that and replace it with words like "tries to" or "begin to". Then remove "to live" altogether, since the friend is terminally ill and the aim of the inspiration is quite obvious. Other than this, the plot, is explanatory enouRead more

    I think the word “must” may not be necessary. You might just do away with that and replace it with words like “tries to” or “begin to”. Then remove “to live” altogether, since the friend is terminally ill and the aim of the inspiration is quite obvious. Other than this, the plot, is explanatory enough.

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