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A bored accountant, disenchanted with life, thinks she?ll get a break on the ski slopes. Until she gets into a ski accident with a famous actor, who will do anything, including inventing a fake relationship, and turning her world upside down, to stay on top
Hi, It's a good idea for a RomCom but needs a few tweaks. Firstly, grammatically it needs changing. You end one sentence and then start the next with 'until'. Really there shouldn't be a break/pause here, it reads incorrectly. It needs to flow, reading as "...on the ski slopes until... Secondly, I tRead more
Hi,
It’s a good idea for a RomCom but needs a few tweaks.
Firstly, grammatically it needs changing. You end one sentence and then start the next with ‘until’. Really there shouldn’t be a break/pause here, it reads incorrectly. It needs to flow, reading as “…on the ski slopes until…
Secondly, I think a disenchanted accounted is fine, but bored doesn’t really fit. If she’s bored wouldn’t being thrown into a dashing celebrities world be exactly what she needs to shake things up? Maybe if she was shy or a complete ball breaker that would be better.
Finally, you could reduce the word count to make room for better explaining the celebrities motivation. You say it’s to stay on top. What do you mean by that? Is he a fading celebrity hoping the accident will help relaunch his career somehow? Does the accident make headlines? How will a bored account solve his dilemma?
Maybe something along the lines of:
“A disenchanted accountant collides with a washed up Hollywood star in a skiing accident making national news, leading him to try and use the situation to relaunch his failing career against her wishes”
This is something I just scribbled down and needs work but gives you an idea of what I’m thinking.
Good luck.
See lessWhen a senior member of a prestigious University is accused of sexual misconduct, the head of the Economics department must defend his long-time mentor, the Dean, who is accused of complicity by ignorance.
Oh ok, we'll perhaps allude to the moral dilemma then in the logline - a man must choose [insert here applicable] or risk [insert applicable]
Oh ok, we’ll perhaps allude to the moral dilemma then in the logline – a man must choose [insert here applicable] or risk [insert applicable]
See lessWhen a senior member of a prestigious University is accused of sexual misconduct, the head of the Economics department must defend his long-time mentor, the Dean, who is accused of complicity by ignorance.
I guess questions that come to mind are: 1) why not make the story about the Dean defending himself or the Economic senior defend himself - unless there's some sort of twist - ie he defends the Dean only to discover he's guilty 2) why not make it a story about a man who everyone turns their back onRead more
I guess questions that come to mind are:
1) why not make the story about the Dean defending himself or the Economic senior defend himself – unless there’s some sort of twist – ie he defends the Dean only to discover he’s guilty
2) why not make it a story about a man who everyone turns their back on in a time of need, this destroying everything he has, forcing him to fight back.
Just a thought. Good luck
See less