1. Posted: June 23, 2013In:

    After lying to her co-workers about being in a relationship, a corporate control freak is forced to bring her ex-fiance with her on a family oriented work retreat

    wilsondownunder Penpusher

    Thanks for your comments. Lets see how the edited version goes.

    Thanks for your comments. Lets see how the edited version goes.

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  2. Posted: June 23, 2013In:

    Three friends become entangled in a series of mind games as they argue over what they should do when a local Sheriff comes looking for the woman they find murdered in their isolated cabin

    wilsondownunder Penpusher

    Thanks Tony. You're right, grapple does come off a bit weak. I think even if I change grapple to something along the lines of argue/debate/fight it implies more conflict.

    Thanks Tony. You’re right, grapple does come off a bit weak. I think even if I change grapple to something along the lines of argue/debate/fight it implies more conflict.

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  3. Posted: June 22, 2013In:

    After being stalked by a corrupt psycopath police officer a female wallflower is forced to find her voice and solve her own case to gain back power and control of her own life.

    wilsondownunder Penpusher

    Hello, Some questions that come to mind after reading this logline are: Why is the police officer targeting the wallflower? Is the fact that he is both corrupt and a psychopath linked? Has she witnessed his corruption, hence he is now stalking her? Why stalk her rather than kill her? Maybe he couldRead more

    Hello,

    Some questions that come to mind after reading this logline are:

    Why is the police officer targeting the wallflower?

    Is the fact that he is both corrupt and a psychopath linked? Has she witnessed his corruption, hence he is now stalking her? Why stalk her rather than kill her? Maybe he could be corrupt or a psycho rather than both?

    How will she be able to defeat him – does she have the tools? What is her background I suppose to make us believe she could in fact defeat a corrupt psychopath. Is she a lawyer, a private investigator or maybe an IT specialist who can access information etc? Wallflower tells us she is shy but not what her capability is.

    I think if possible it would be good if you could somehow address some of these points in the logline.

    Why is he stalking her “After witnessing a corrupt officer murder X…”
    Who is she “…a young lawyer becomes his next target when she reports him…”

    etc.

    I’m guessing the challenge comes in when no one believes her – most likely because of his position and the fact that he is corrupt.

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