1. Posted: September 9, 2019In:

    When a prospective client invites himself to the first summer party at the law firm executive?s house, the executive must make sure the client is satisfied so he is won over while also dealing with new crises that arise in his home life.

    Best Answer
    yqwertz Mentor

    It is a bit long. You can tighten it up by being more concrete on the goal and obstacles. (A collision between family and professional life always occurs at company parties, so this bit does not add much to the logline.)Don't know if this fits your story, but something like this might:An executive hRead more

    It is a bit long. You can tighten it up by being more concrete on the goal and obstacles. (A collision between family and professional life always occurs at company parties, so this bit does not add much to the logline.)

    Don’t know if this fits your story, but something like this might:

    An executive hoping for a promotion organizes a company party, but when an eccentric client shows up, [something happens] and the executive must [do something] to save the party and his career.

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  2. Posted: September 8, 2019In:

    A family of four moves into a house in a small town only to find out the house takes people when it takes one of the children. the family has to do all they can to save their child.

    yqwertz Mentor

    Both the original logline and Riciev's suggestion fit the screenplay for "Poltergeist" by Steven Spielberg. The motto to keep in mind is "The same thing, but different". Being similar to Poltergeist means your story has a ready audience, now tell us what is different.

    Both the original logline and Riciev’s suggestion fit the screenplay for “Poltergeist” by Steven Spielberg.

    The motto to keep in mind is “The same thing, but different”. Being similar to Poltergeist means your story has a ready audience, now tell us what is different.

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  3. Posted: September 6, 2019In:

    When a transgender black woman kills a mentally ill murderer, she is put on trial for life, the jury, who vary from rich to poor to caring to prejudiced,? are caught up in a spiral of grey areas – and a case that exposes the increasingly mad world they live in.

    yqwertz Mentor

    I don't see the conflict. She is guilty. Revenge is not an excuse for murder. If it were, we would be living in a much more dangerous society. In "12 Angry Men" the jury debated whether the accused was guilty based upon weak evidence. In your case, the woman did murder someone in order to avenge herRead more

    I don’t see the conflict. She is guilty. Revenge is not an excuse for murder. If it were, we would be living in a much more dangerous society.

    In “12 Angry Men” the jury debated whether the accused was guilty based upon weak evidence. In your case, the woman did murder someone in order to avenge her friend’s death. There is no question of guilt.

    If you want the audience to sympathize with this woman she needs a better excuse for murder than revenge.

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