1. Posted: August 20, 2019In:

    In a futuristic world in which aging is prevented through the extraction of other people?s cells, a woman goes on a reluctant murder spree to maintain her youth and her marriage for her daughter ? only to find out her husband has a fetish toward older women.

    Best Answer
    yqwertz Mentor

    Sounds like a SciFi take on a vampire story. Interesting mix. I assume this technology is illegal, so how does the woman come to use it? I would drop the line about her husband liking older woman and make the mother 200 years old. (If she can prevent aging, why not?) The conflict you should build onRead more

    Sounds like a SciFi take on a vampire story. Interesting mix.

    I assume this technology is illegal, so how does the woman come to use it?

    I would drop the line about her husband liking older woman and make the mother 200 years old. (If she can prevent aging, why not?)

    The conflict you should build on is the one between mother and daughter:? If the mother slows her aging down via murder, won’t the daughter think something is funny when she turns 16 and her? mother still looks 25? Won’t the daughter be appalled when she learns what the mother has done? What if the daughter decides to turn her mother in for murder?

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  2. Posted: August 19, 2019In:

    When the local mining company brings in external workers, the town of Hope apathetically slides towards its death. Slut-shamed 17-year-old schoolgirl, Tim, challenges the locals, the politicians,?and the mining billionaires into establishing a renewable energy business, in a frantic effort to save the town – and herself.

    yqwertz Mentor

    This version of your logline raises more questions than it answers.Why does the mining company need external workers, are the locals on strike? (I doubt miners would sit idly by while strike breakers take their jobs.)Why is the town dying? Where there are billionaires, there are jobs. Billionaires lRead more

    This version of your logline raises more questions than it answers.

    Why does the mining company need external workers, are the locals on strike? (I doubt miners would sit idly by while strike breakers take their jobs.)

    Why is the town dying? Where there are billionaires, there are jobs. Billionaires love to build monuments to themselves. Houses, museums, theaters.

    Establishing a new business is not a frantic effort. It takes planning, lots of planning. Years go by.

    ?

    Try to give your heroin a manageable, concrete problem to solve and connect the way she solves it to her character flaw.

    Also, loglines work best without proper names cluttering them up. So drop “Tim” and unless “Hope” is a real town, you can drop it as well.

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  3. Posted: August 15, 2019In:

    A Facebook content moderator discovers a photograph online that may hold the clue to uncovering the mystery of her niece who went missing years previously.

    yqwertz Mentor

    And then?What you have given us is the setting, now tell us what happens. What is she going to do with the photo? Give it to the police? Hire a private detective? Investigate her niece's disappearance herself?Check out the logline Generator (see link at the top of the page) to understand what informRead more

    And then?

    What you have given us is the setting, now tell us what happens. What is she going to do with the photo? Give it to the police? Hire a private detective? Investigate her niece’s disappearance herself?

    Check out the logline Generator (see link at the top of the page) to understand what information a logline must contain.

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