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Gemini SilverLogliner
A group of subjects in a sleep experiment are stalked by multidimensional entities awakened to rip their spirits apart.
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Do they have their memories… Just curious.
Also, since this seems to be a “Monster in the House” Story, what is the setting? Is it a lab? A town? A hospital?
Finally, is there a lead character, someone who the audience can relate to and whose eyes we see the story unfold?
I like the sound of this, but to echo the other comment, I think you could have a protagonist at the start of this. Who or what has awakened the multidimensional entities? I’m not sure what ‘rio their spirits apart’ means = could you make the stakes / threat more specific? (i.e. does it mean their deaths in the ‘real’ world?)
The logline sets up a situation for a plot but doesn’t follow through with a complete plot.? More to the point, it doesn’t designate the inciting incident? that sets the plot in motion.? Nor does it indicate who the protagonist is nor what the objective goal is, what he/she must do to overcome the predicament. ? The logline merely presents them as hapless victims.
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The initial plot is very interesting. I think it would be very beneficial to add a protagonist to this situation and also giving that protagonist some sort of motivation in order to create a struggle between them and the multidimensional entities.? I think that your logline should depict a character that the audience can instantly connect to, rather than some random people who happen to be in a bad situation.
Enticing logline. Makes people (at least me) want to read it. Multidimensional entities?? I would expand on the ‘awakened’ part, possibly give a lit bit more details on what is going on there. Have you written the screenplay yet ? Intriguing.