A young 10-year-old boy watches his neighbor girl play in his front yard. He feels butterflies in his stomach when looking at her. The young boy feels the drive to overcome his shyness and tries to find a way to get the girl?s attention.

The inciting incident is weak “feels butterflies in his stomach” and is internal.? In movies, all things internal must be externalized, made manifest ?through action and dialogue.? And the logline needs to state a specific act or series of acts, the boy undertakes as a result of his attraction to the girl.

Also isn’t?”get the girl’s attention”? a? means to another end, which is the boy’s real objective goal?? Doesn’t he? want more than?mere “attention”? Doesn’t he want to win her friendship?