When a teenager and his best friend get his father fired they must help him find a job even though he has 2 skills (watching tv and eating)
tigereyestudiosPenpusher
When a teenager and his best friend get his father fired they must help him find a job even though he has 2 skills (watching tv and eating)
Share
Hello,
I like the concept,
maybe you can add an adjective to characterize the main character?and this will force you to?think about the character’s arc… It seems to me that the father can easily have an arc but not the teenager and his friend. What does the teenager must learn? What is his flaw?
Although his friend is a co-conspirator in the story, for the sake of brevity and clarity, I don’t think he needs to be mentioned in the logline. ?Rather, focus on the one who is the prime “suspect”, the protagonist, the son ?because he is the one more responsible for getting his father fired, and consequently the one with more at stake.
I would like to see a clearer statement of the inciting incident. ?What did the son do that got his father fired?
And if the father is so untalented, ?how did he ever get the job in the first place? ?Why wasn’t he fired on his own “merits”? ?Why did he need “help” from his son to lose his job?
fwiw
If the main character is the father then his?inciting incident would best be described as an event forced on him i.e:
After being fired a lazy man must rely on his son to help him find a new job.
Agreed with DPG about the circumstances of the father getting his job in the first place and then loosing it thereafter, it doesn’t seem to make sense that someone like him got a job in the first place and it’s not clear why he needs the son to find a new one.
Perhaps if you were to describe the father as having been cut off from the rest of the world with regards to the job market. What if he were an aristocrat or a billionaire who lost all the family’s money and must rely on the son to get around in the “real” world.
I think there is a potentially interesting story to tell here, but I’m not sure what the point is of this one — the theme. What idea does the writer wish to explore? ?Theme is external to the content of a logline — but it implicitly shapes it as it is an integral part of the story proper, or ought to be. ?What is the point of this concept other than to use the father as a comic foil, to play him for a fool?