When her traditional father sets an impossible ultimatum a week before her wedding, a Nigerian-American and her Latina best friend must travel to Australia to achieve it without destroying their friendship.

DivineMsM:

Frankly, my 1st reaction to your logline was incredulity: “Oh come on, you expect me to suspend disbelief and buy into a story about a woman who has to round up welcomes from 100 Australian villages to marry her true love?”

But truth is stranger than fiction so your clarification that it actually happened seals the deal for me. I buy into your story and want to see how it plays out.

The most important element for an effective logline is a strong hook. And here?s where it can get tricky: you have to distinguish between the emotional hook for you the writer, and the curiosity hook for the casual logline reader.

I understand how the emotional hook for you is the relationship between the two women and issue of identity. And that’s great. ?But for the logline reader, approaching the story with no previous knowledge, no emotional investment, the hook of your story is, imho, the substance of the ultimatum.

Strains in a friendship is not a unique story line; it’s a quite common one. ?

Having to get welcomes from a 100 towns in order to get married is a unique story line.

So I suggest your logline line needs to spell ?out the ultimatum; it must specifically state that she must obtain welcomes from 100 Australian communities to marry the man she loves.

Her travels to secure that number is the “A” story, her objective goal. The relationship story — the impact on her friendship and on her own sense of her identity is the “B” story. And while you consider that the heart beat of the story, for the purpose of the logline, it’s the “A” that matters. Hook the logline reader on your “A” story ? and it?s a great hook ? the physical journey across Australia and let the script tell the “B” story, the emotional journey she takes with her friend.

So maybe something along the lines of:
The true story of a modern Nigerian woman who had to secure welcomes from 100 Australian towns before her traditional father would give his blessing for her to marry a Caucasian.

?True story of a ?: I realize there will be some who believe that is not necessary, but for the reasons I stated I think it not only enhances the hook, but is necessary to obviate initial skepticism.

?modern Nigerian?: to play off the contrast with her ?traditional father?, although its arguable that it?s extraneous, implied in that she wants to marry a Caucasian.

“Blessing” : ?If he doesn’t give his blessing, he won’t attend, right? ?But hypothetically, he could attend but withhold his blessing. ?She obvious wants both. So isn’t ?that another “B” relationship story thread, the need for a reconciliation, between daughter and father, between modern and traditional values?

Anyway, this is a movie I would like to see. I think you’ve got a lot of interesting material to work with. ?Best wishes with your writing.