When a gang member’s girl scout kid sister threatens to disown him after he was convicted for vandalism yet again, he promises to help her make the entire town litter-free during his remaining days of freedom.

by Scott Danzig · Wordsmith · 1,585 pts 1 view

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The way this logline has been evolving, it now seems good as a comedy again. I think the gang member makes a nice ironic pairing with a girl scout. A vandal cleaning up litter shows the potential for a story arc…it’s definitely a flaw that needs to change. And there’s still the time limit imposed by the sentencing… I made him a repeat offender so some jail time would be likely.

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Former member · Legend · 114,968 pts

Scott:

My response to your premise is also informed by my experiences picking up trash. Specifically, I volunteered to be responsible on a regular basis for cleaning up litter on a segment of the C&O Canal, one of the more heavily visited segments.

I, too, have been thanked by passerby's for picking up trash. But over time it morphed into a "Groundhog Day" ordeal. Because no matter how thoroughly I clean up my segment, the next time I walk my beat the trash will be back. There has not been and never will be a t-shirt solution, a happy Hollyweird ending where the mass of humanity get the message and pitch in to clean up litter. Or even better, people just stop littering.

Anyway, the dramatic question I would pose for your consideration is this:

If your protagonist were to go through similar stages of frustration, anger, depression as Phil Connor did in "Groundhog Day" , and arrives at the final stage of acceptance, what would that scene look like? Specifically, when he's served out his sentence of community service, when he no longer has to pick up trash-- will he continue to pick it up anyway?

fwiw

Richiev · Legend · 58,825 pts

A gang member's, girl scout, kid sister...

This line is a bit of a mouth full. You should try to break it up a bit.
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"When his sister threatens to disown him after he is arrested yet again, a gang member promises to help her and her girl scout troop clean up their litter filled town."