The Diver
JBalmerPenpusher
The lives of an undefeated boxer and a former hitman intermingle on the corrupt and sinful streets of New Orleans as they join forces to save the they love city and the people in it from cataclysm
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It’s got legs. Fix the garbled bits at the end and trim the flowery language – get to the heart.
??? An undefeated boxer and a lowlife former hitman become unlikely partners in order to save the city they love, and its citizens, from cataclysm. ???
Is the fact it’s New Orleans critical to the story. Yes: name it. No: “the city they love”.
Presume “Undefeated boxer” and “former hitman” are meant to be polar opposites in some way. I don’t get that yet but the logline still works. If you can distil how they are opposites more crisply, that would push the logline along.
Good luck with it.
Lx
It’s got legs. Fix the garbled bits at the end and trim the flowery language – get to the heart.
??? An undefeated boxer and a lowlife former hitman become unlikely partners in order to save the city they love, and its citizens, from cataclysm. ???
Is the fact it’s New Orleans critical to the story. Yes: name it. No: “the city they love”.
Presume “Undefeated boxer” and “former hitman” are meant to be polar opposites in some way. I don’t get that yet but the logline still works. If you can distil how they are opposites more crisply, that would push the logline along.
Good luck with it.
Lx
Who is the alpha-guy of the duo, the protagonist?
What is the cataclysm? Katrina? Another catastrophic hurricane?
Who is the alpha-guy of the duo, the protagonist?
What is the cataclysm? Katrina? Another catastrophic hurricane?
the boxer is physically the alpha and the hitman is mentally the alpha. And yes the cataclysm is Katrina.
the boxer is physically the alpha and the hitman is mentally the alpha. And yes the cataclysm is Katrina.
Interesting; personally, I would specify that this is during Katrina, it is something people can picture, rather than any old cataclysm.
Interesting; personally, I would specify that this is during Katrina, it is something people can picture, rather than any old cataclysm.
(Spoiler alert)
Uh, given the way natural events played out in 2005, they failed, didn’t they?
What could any mere mortals have done to save The Big Easy from the hurricane? I just don’t understand what the story is.
(Spoiler alert)
Uh, given the way natural events played out in 2005, they failed, didn’t they?
What could any mere mortals have done to save The Big Easy from the hurricane? I just don’t understand what the story is.