A military bioweapons collector attempts to cover-up an accidental release of a deadly, new strain of flu by destroying the project’s hard drive before his Russian counterpart can prove the CIA’s involvement.

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19 reviews

Former member · Singularity · 114,965 pts

Re:
>>>An Obeah Woman leads a bioweapons collector into the Ta?no ?Land of Souls? to find the cure for a deadly virus he helped create

For me the hook of the story, what grabs my attention, ?is that it is a redemption story: the man must find the solution to the problem he created. ?That's a strong selling point and that is where I would suggest focusing the logline.

The role of the woman while important to the full story is extraneous to the logline. ?And a distraction because, as I said in another thread, ?it is likely to leave most logline readers scratching their heads, having to google to find out who the "Obeah" are. ?Something a logline should never do. ?You only got 10 seconds to make the sale, and the clock doesn't pause while they google.

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

Re:
>>>An Obeah Woman leads a bioweapons collector into the Ta?no ?Land of Souls? to find the cure for a deadly virus he helped create

For me the hook of the story, what grabs my attention, ?is that it is a redemption story: the man must find the solution to the problem he created. ?That's a strong selling point and that is where I would suggest focusing the logline.

The role of the woman while important to the full story is extraneous to the logline. ?And a distraction because, as I said in another thread, ?it is likely to leave most logline readers scratching their heads, having to google to find out who the "Obeah" are. ?Something a logline should never do. ?You only got 10 seconds to make the sale, and the clock doesn't pause while they google.

Kaznats · Logliner · 315 pts

Valid points all. The only way around making my hook work is to change the main character to another who is also dominant but more empathetic.?Here is ?what I have managed with this sudden veering:

An Obeah Woman leads a bioweapons collector into the Ta?no ?Land of Souls? to find the cure for a deadly virus he helped create

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Children suddenly begin dying from a mysterious illness in the isolated village of a medical missionary. Sister Genevieve Rocco is pulled into international intrigue when she discovers the deaths were the result of an accidental release of an ancient virus during a clinical trial. More will die unless she can help a Bioweapons Collector evade the island's germaphobic dictator. A cholera epidemic and civil unrest offer afford little safety in an island on the verge of collapse so she turns instead to an aging shaman who is both her mentor and father. The Obeah Man sends them into Coaybay, the subterranean ?Heaven? of the Ta?no to find a cure for the man-made plague. But to get there they must first avoid becoming specimens of a Russian Biocontainment Force led by his Soviet counterpart and former lover. Only by solving the riddles of ancient petroglyphs can they find the ?Green Road? that leads to a cure and prevent the virus' spread into a global pandemic.