A young lawyer discovers through the diary of one of his ancestors that his family has served an ancient vampire for generations, so he must decide between succumbing to power and greed or doing the right thing and losing everything.

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On Alejandro's graduation day, the De Mendoza family receives a visit from their most important client, Count Vladimir, who arrives in Mexico to meet the new heir and give his approval, thus forcing Alejandro's father to reveal the secret of their success and family fortune: For more than a century they have had a contract with an ancient vampire.

6 reviews

Agustín · Penpusher · 60 pts

Thank you all very much for your input. How does it look like this?
A young mexican lawyer discovers through the diary of one of his ancestors that his family has served an ancient vampire for generations, so he seeks to break the contract so as not to become another servant of Count Vladimir.

Odie · Mentor · 6,290 pts

1. Inject culture to set your story apart e.g. “A young Latino lawyer” - culture derived from your synopsis.
2. Usually, one human in vampire lore guards a vampire during the day known as a “human servant.” You can use my example or find another name from lore if going with the “must decide lawyer or human servant” route.
3. Concerning the lawyer’s life choice, it doesn’t appear he has one from the family's perspective – he must accept the calling. From the vampire’s perspective, he must approve. So, if your lawyer wanted out, he could sabotage the interview with the vampire.

Examples from Formula (link in header):
When a [CHARACTER], is [confronted by a MAJOR EVENT], s/he must [do the ACTION/GOAL].
or:
A [CHARACTER], must [do the ACTION/GOAL] when [a MAJOR EVENT occurs].
“A promising young Latino lawyer must decide between [lawyers non-vamp path e.g., true love] and [lawyers vamp path e.g., old-money family inheritance] when Count Vladimir arrives in Mexico to interview his human servant heir”

Kept the name “Count Vladimir” in the logline as I believe the reader will “get it” based on his purpose.

Keep going!

Rutger Oosterhoff · Mentor · 2,685 pts

"...helping him turn an entire nation into his hunting ground.." makes the antagonist oiut of him.