Categories: Comedy
This is a blurb, not a logline, and you haven't given us stakes or an emotional "why" or even a clear goal and I don't understand why they'd steal from second hand shops, which are also trying to help poor people.
Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the poor. I can't imagine second-hand shops would be classed as ?rich? establishments (I could be wrong). Why not make it large, wealthy department stores?
Why would they let a documentary filmmaker film them committing a crime? Is the protagonist the family or the filmmaker? I think the story should focus on the family as that's where the interesting conflict is. If the audience's link to this story is through the filmmaker, all they'll ever get is a fly-on-wall point of view rather than actually caring about what the family are doing. Surely the filmmaker just wants to make a good film so you could argue that he doesn't actually care what happens to the family as long as it's interesting. There's definitely a story in there but I think it's overcomplicated.
Inciting Events are SPECIFIC EVENTS that drive the PROTAGONIST towards his GOAL
Which becomes: When 'a family of three' start robbing the ultra rich businessmen to make cheap sale at random local markets, a documentary filmmaker....
wait, you gotta be more specific than "hot on the trail" (which translates into a vague action towards his GOAL, as a result of being involved in such adventure. Which brings us to...)
What's his GOAL? It cannot be left "implied...since he's a documentary filmmaker, duh!" But spelled out in the logline
Good Luck DackVigilante!!
