(Short) A down on his luck and jaded 20 something who robs a bank on Christmas eve meets a little girl who is convinced that an Old Man in the bank is Santa Claus.

I think this is great as a first draft. And with a little bit of work you'll be able to make this into a nice Christmas short story. Your characters have to be connected. Even though Christmas stories can be far-fetched, your characters' motivations can't be; Because most people understand credible motivations. In film-making, probable impossibilities are better than improbable possibilities.

An improbable possibility?would be for the girl, who thinks the old man is?the real santa, to be a meaningful enough obstacle or reason?for the 20-something to stop robbing a?bank.

A probable impossibility?could be that the old man truly is Santa and the 20-something made the wrong choice by?using the little girl as a getaway hostage.

Hope that helps.

I think this is great as a first draft. And with a little bit of work you'll be able to make this into a nice Christmas short story. Your characters have to be connected. Even though Christmas stories can be far-fetched, your characters' motivations can't be; Because most people understand credible motivations. In film-making, probable impossibilities are better than improbable possibilities.

An improbable possibility?would be for the girl, who thinks the old man is?the real santa, to be a meaningful enough obstacle or reason?for the 20-something to stop robbing a?bank.

A probable impossibility?could be that the old man truly is Santa and the 20-something made the wrong choice by?using the little girl as a getaway hostage.

Hope that helps.

First, I think you need to understand what a stake is - a bank robbery can't be a stake. Here is? a simple definition from Google:
A sum of money or something else of value gambled on the outcome of a risky game or venture.

The loot could be the stake, his freedom could be the stake but a robbery is an action and therefore not a stake.

Secondly, there is no plot described in this logline, as such, I'm not sure what the story is.

Check out the Formula tab on the top bar to see what a logline needs to function well as a logline, in short, it needs to describe a plot by the use of n inciting event and goal. In this case, the logline is missing a clear inciting incident at the start - it alludes to the appearance of Santa Claus at the end but never specifies that this event motivates the robber to take action. The logline also lacks a clear goal, as a result of the girl's revelation or the appearance of Saint Nick, what does the MC specifically need to achieve?

Not sure why the down vote.?? I've notice a lot of down voting lately, not exactly the best way to encourage people in my opinion.? I know some of the loglines posted are a mess or completely ignore anything about a logline, but some that have been down voted seem like good stories that just need a little work finding the right words for the logline.

You would need to state that he is somehow trapped with the girl, developed a relationship with her and needs her to complete the stake somehow. Kinda farfetched.

Erica,

What is the conflict that the bank robber is faced with after interacting with the little girl? I mean, he is a bank robber, would he even care about Santa or the little girl?

You got the setup, now add the potential stakes/resolve.