Categories: Comedy
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Jamzies:
I advocate composing two loglines for works projects, a development version to rough out the fundamentals of the plot for the work in progress, and eventually a marketing version for pitching the finished script.? (Ideally, the two could be one and the same, but in practice that is not always the case. )
"Gets in too deep" is vague,? needs clarification and specificity. Right now, I am interested in a development logline version of your concept that lays down the fundamental elements:? inciting incident, protagonist, objective goal, antagonist, stakes.? (And it is perfectly kosher for a development version to begin with "when" because it's for a work in progress, only for private use. I agree that the marketing version for when the finished script goes public should try to avoid leading off with that word.)
Jamzies:
I advocate composing two loglines for works projects, a development version to rough out the fundamentals of the plot for the work in progress, and eventually a marketing version for pitching the finished script.? (Ideally, the two could be one and the same, but in practice that is not always the case. )
"Gets in too deep" is vague,? needs clarification and specificity. Right now, I am interested in a development logline version of your concept that lays down the fundamental elements:? inciting incident, protagonist, objective goal, antagonist, stakes.? (And it is perfectly kosher for a development version to begin with "when" because it's for a work in progress, only for private use. I agree that the marketing version for when the finished script goes public should try to avoid leading off with that word.)
I suggest it might work better if they have an urgent need for the money, one that an audience can identify with.
Like they're saddled with enormous college loans after graduating with degrees in philosophy or literature (Phd degrees, no less), degrees that have no market value.
[For those of you not living in the US, the student loan racket is one of the greatest con jobs and legalized usury schemes every foisted on the American people.? Student loans cannot be forgiven;? if debtors declare bankruptcy, they can't get out from being liable for their student loans.? It's outrageous-- and it's legal.]
What I am suggesting is to create audience sympathy for the guys by giving them the same financial problem that afflicts tens of millions of people.? Make their predicament relatable.? As it stands now, there is nothing in the logline to evoke audience sympathy, to get an audience to root for them.
Also, I, too, have to ask why there are two main characters.? Why not just one?? Have you worked out the chemistry of their relationship?? Are they an odd couple who must work together to get of a common predicament?? Or are they best friends whose relationship will be sorely tested as the story progresses?
fwiw
