When a Goth Detective is tasked with solving a murder at a very optimistic circus, he must solve the case to be able to escape the happiness.
Categories: Comedy
10 reviews
The industry standard formulation for a logline (see ?"Formula" at the top of the web page) is that an inciting incident triggers a protagonist to pursue an objective goal.
So what's ?is ?the ultimate objective goal in this situation? ? Isn't it to solve the crime? ?I can see the comedy potential of the clash of temperaments -- but that clash is a complication to his objective goal. ?It isn't the inciting incident that precipitates his objective goal. ?The inciting incident is the murder. ?The objective goal that arises from that is he must solve the crime. ?The clashing temperaments is a complication.
But why Goth? Wouldn't it be better to identify with something else about tbis guy?
Otherwise, this reads way better. Gj.
Could there be a Goth detective? I assume the police have certain standards when it comes to how detectives dress and would probably frown at a detective with piercings and make-up.
I like this. It's obvious the goal is to solve the case. A lot of potential plot twists and character development in this...in my opinion. You will also need an antagonist who's trying to hinder the investigation somehow.
Ok so I've updated my logline based on the feedback and I've slightly changed the story because I don't necessarily want it to be a murder anymore, but here goes:
When a clown unexpectedly dies while touring, a Goth Detective is tasked with solving this mysterious case.
If the MC begins as "goth" and your obj for him is to NOT change, then having him be successful wont allow him to ARC. That's not a good thing.
What is really the reasonable ?objective for this detective while he's in the circus environment? I truly hope you have one for him.