Categories: Comedy
I mean, even if the butter sandwich is the best idea since sliced bread, it is still 1 scene in your movie, one gag. What's the rest of the story gonna rely on to run?
One thing a person hanging on this site should learn quickly is that clarity and economics are king to a logline.
Sorry to say, I can't find either in your logline.
This first part of your log is silly and outrageous, and that works for a comedy. But then you end the log with a serious situation.
I'd say pick one.
A trio of nerds must find the courage to close a vortex that has opened in their kitchen before time-travelling aliens take over Earth.
I agree with the above. While I like the Butter Sandwich to indicate it is a comedy it does take precious words away from the main concept.? Using "lonely" with Computer nerd seems redundant and therefore it's a wasted word and extra thought for someone wanting to get the concept right away and be wowed by it.? Just one sentence of what the computer nerd must do to save earth - like NIr says above "Kill the Alien general or what ?? Perhaps invent a machine out of his toaster that will send the Alien back to his planet and close the wormhole.
Many of the problems with the original version of this logline are still in the current version. This is too long, confusing (as a result of the wording), and lacks detail in the descriptions.
Why butter sandwich? For comedy? If that's the case, it isn't adding much and you'd do well getting rid of it in the logline.
An accident opens the vortex, chance brings the characters together and more chance gets the bad guys involved in the story - there is too much reliance on accidental instances of chance. It would be better if the aliens open the vortex to the other dimension and threaten the Earth. This way there is a clear cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal for the main character.
Lastly, "...save the planet..." is a generic ambition - describe what the MC must do to save humanity. Must he kill the alien general? Use his 'fill the gap' computer smarts to close the vortex? What is the main action he does to achieve his goal?
New logline idea:
A butter sandwich opens a time vortex in a lonely computer geek's house, signaling the human presence in the universe. With the help of two previous inhabitants who were thrown in the present by the vortex, he must save Earth?from an alien warrior race that thinks humans are unfit to handle time travel and must be destroyed.
