Revised Logline……When an introverted player from a footy obsessed family, is cut from the team, he joins the cheerleading squad, despite being bullied, he competes at the National Championships, losing his chance of a scholarship but gaining the love of his life.

The revised logline presents little action and little conflict - he joins a cheerleading squad, after a bit of bullying he competes at the nationals and then he falls in love. What's stopping him? What obstacles MUST he over come?

In addition the stakes are low (maybe I'm missing something) what's the worst that would happen should he fail as a cheerleader?

Biggest problem with this concept is it lacks a clear unifying goal, what is it the MC wants? Is it to win the cheerleading championships? Is it to find love? Is it the scholarship?

Also, a logline should never give away how the story ends.

Also, a logline should never give away how the story ends.