When a troubled hospice nurse accepts a new job caring for a mysterious couple’s granddaughter on their rural plantation, she must protect her young patient from a violent attacker bent on revenge.

Actually,? I think? "on her rural plantation"? can be cut.? The particular setting is extraneous to the logline.

What isn't extraneous and needs more particularity is what constitutes the "evil intentions".? There are so many? ways people can behave with "evil intentions" -- which one applies to this story?? Is she going to be offered up in a ritual sacrifice?? And isn't the initial attack, the inciting incident,? a kidnapping?? If so,? that is how the incident should be described.

Actually,? I think? "on her rural plantation"? can be cut.? The particular setting is extraneous to the logline.

What isn't extraneous and needs more particularity is what constitutes the "evil intentions".? There are so many? ways people can behave with "evil intentions" -- which one applies to this story?? Is she going to be offered up in a ritual sacrifice?? And isn't the initial attack, the inciting incident,? a kidnapping?? If so,? that is how the incident should be described.

sek505:

A logline should disclose not hide the game ball, the issue or object that drives the action, that everyone is fighting over.? In this case, the game ball is a matriarchal cult based upon a character in Jewish mythology (mentioned in the Talmud not the Torah, btw.)? That game ball needs to visible, front and center, in the logline.

" I wanted to write a typical home invasion story,..."? ?Regardless of how the film reveals information to a movie audience,? the target audience for a logline? is? movie makers, not movie viewers.? So a? logline should pitch? what is not typical about a story, what? sets it apart from similar stories.? As they say in marketing , a logline should? sell the sizzle, not the steak.? And to mix and mangle metaphors, the sizzle in your story is the cult.? The logline should focus on the sizzle .

fwiw