PALEO When her boss at a wild game restaurant turns into a Neanderthal, a vegetarian waitress must solve the puzzle of evolution to escape with her life.

This is a good concept in my opinion. It's not clear why the waitress should help his boss (can't she just run away?) - anyway I think there are many ways to upgrade this logline, it just needs some work. Good job! And good luck!

It's a comedy. ?In that genre, the rules for the use of magic are looser.

For me, the big question to answer is not HOW the magic can happen but WHY? ? What has either the girl or the guy or both done wrong -- character flaw -- that has caused this "punishment" to be inflicted on their relationship?

It's a comedy. ?In that genre, the rules for the use of magic are looser.

For me, the big question to answer is not HOW the magic can happen but WHY? ? What has either the girl or the guy or both done wrong -- character flaw -- that has caused this "punishment" to be inflicted on their relationship?

Hey Octavia.

Good points above, I think that it could use a description of the cause for the change. It seems a bit strange that out of the blue, with no major event taking place, the transformation happens.

What was the magic that caused the transformation?

You have made me see a whole new realm of possibility here. THANK YOU!!

TO THE LAPTOP!

Only her boss? ?Wouldn't there be a stronger emotional motivation and higher stakes if he were her boyfriend?

And she's "only" ?a vegetarian? ?Why not making her a vegan -- intensify a truly odd couple relationship. ?After all if you're digging for a vein of comedy, isn't an odd-couple romance the mother lode?

So maybe something like:

When her fiancee devolves into a Neanderthal while celebrating his stag party at a wild game restaurant, his vegan bride-to-be has 24 hours to evolve him back into the man she wants to marry.
(34 words)

I think it's okay to go with Neanderthal because, hey, it's comedy, folks and ?while Homo neanderthalensis did evolve separately from Homo sapiens, there is genetic evidence of some pre-historic hanky-panky between the two species. ? So there's you're quasi-scientific basis for the twist in the story: come to find out, he has got some of those Neanderthal genes in his DNA.

The back story could be: ?1] He had vowed to convert to veganism after the marriage -- this was to be one last carnivorous orgy; ? or, 2] He had converted to vegan while dating her but, under the influence of booze, fell off the wagon; or 3]He had been pretending to be a vegan while courting her, and now the truth comes out.

Whatever, I think this it's a concept with commercial potential.

fwiw