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A young orphaned girl from a Forest tribe is magically transported to a medieval futuristic realm populated with talking Animals and Mythological creatures. She must confront her long lost father, the Vicious king in order to restore peace in the realm and bring him back home.
An ideal Logline raises only one question to the reader: will the protagonist reach his goal?All the other questions exhibit a lack of clarity, which include:1. Confronting her long lost father (whatever it means)How will that restore peace in the realm?2. Why MUST she bring him back, given that he'Read more
An ideal Logline raises only one question to the reader: will the protagonist reach his goal?
All the other questions exhibit a lack of clarity, which include:
1. Confronting her long lost father (whatever it means)
How will that restore peace in the realm?
2. Why MUST she bring him back, given that he’s a vicious king?
Shouldn’t the goal be to keep him away from the tribe?
3. How is she orphaned when she has a long lost father?
If you meant that she considered him dead, it needs to be spelled out differently
4. The “magically transported..” bit… How?
Suggest some causality of what might’ve been
An ideal Goal is a direct result of the inciting incident
which in this case should be to find a way back to her tribe
OR change the inciting incident to suit the goal you mentioned
PS. Way things are, a futuristic universe won’t have many animals, let alone talking ones..
See lessA former sex addict, unable to have sex with the woman he loves, returns to his old psychiatrist, a twisted and manipulative woman, and the only person who might be able to cure him.
>> unable..what's stopping him?>> cure him..from what?(if he's sterile, you need to spell it out)>> the only person who might be able to..how come?
>> unable..
what’s stopping him?
>> cure him..
from what?
(if he’s sterile, you need to spell it out)
>> the only person who might be able to..
See lesshow come?
Having spent their first fifteen years in an abusive home in Michigan, twins Jacob and Jenee discover that they were born in a different dimension. As they reunite with their birth family and rediscover their birthplace Pontint. Jacob and Jennee learn that they are the future of Pontint, and had been hidden away to protect them from the royal family who wants them killed.
I like Richiev's format, but your plot interests me more. I can imagine it playing across the feature length. I'd suggest you go for a singular protagonist. Below is one way to pan it out across the blake synder narrative beat paradigm:Setup: An abusive childhood on earth.Inciting Incident: DiscoverRead more
I like Richiev’s format, but your plot interests me more. I can imagine it playing across the feature length. I’d suggest you go for a singular protagonist. Below is one way to pan it out across the blake synder narrative beat paradigm:
Setup: An abusive childhood on earth.
Inciting Incident: Discovering she’s from an alternate dimension.
Break Into Two: The reunion with her people; discovering her birthplace.
1st half of Act 2: The political situation of their planet; what can she do about it? Is she different from the rest? which can lead us to..
Midpoint: She was hidden away in another dimension to protect her from the royal family who wants her killed; discovering her birthright??
2nd half of Act 2: The Royal Family closes in, and so on…
What’s more? You can still have a twin (which is interesting) and define the lead character. Suggested Inciting Incident:? “After his twin from an alternate dimension pays him a visit…”
See less