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Fiesty female London detective has a veteran New York cop foisted on her while she struggles to catch a serial killer with some very nasty habits before he strikes again in his search for a worth mate – or his attention turns to her.
Without an inciting incident, it lacks the causality. 'very nasty habits' and 'search for a worthy mate' doesn't justify the shifting of killer's attention to her. It needs to spell out into something visual (specific)How is the Cop & Detective working against the other serving the plot?Start heRead more
Without an inciting incident, it lacks the causality. ‘very nasty habits’ and ‘search for a worthy mate’ doesn’t justify the shifting of killer’s attention to her. It needs to spell out into something visual (specific)
How is the Cop & Detective working against the other serving the plot?
Start here!
See lessAfter a king dies a mysterious death, the king’s seductive influential adviser calls the impressionable son to the throne to assume control, unaware that he is secretly investigating his father’s death to make sure he isn’t next to risk the fall of the kingdom.
I like the plot. Suggested format-"After being enthroned, an impressionable prince must secretly investigate his father?s disappearance to avoid the same"Isn't the rule passed hierarchically anyways?What's the advisor's role in it?
I like the plot. Suggested format-
“After being enthroned, an impressionable prince must secretly investigate his father?s disappearance to avoid the same”
Isn’t the rule passed hierarchically anyways?
See lessWhat’s the advisor’s role in it?
When the son of a Vietnam Vet turned thief is stolen from him, he must locate an ancient relic that could save his son, but give control to a 700-year-old slighted Templar.
Why him? What's his sin? Why was his son kidnapped? Use of 'slighted' suggests he insulted the Templar, which could be the inciting incident. Then bring it forward- "After accidentally insulting {the antagonist] on one of his heists, [Protagonist] must [reach this Goal]"The inciting incident must seRead more
Why him? What’s his sin? Why was his son kidnapped? Use of ‘slighted’ suggests he insulted the Templar, which could be the inciting incident. Then bring it forward- “After accidentally insulting {the antagonist] on one of his heists, [Protagonist] must [reach this Goal]”
The inciting incident must send him to his Goal; Is this relic to be traded with the kidnapper? give control to’? is vague.
Is it the Templar who wishes to return to power using the relic? Or is it someone who intends to revive the Templar for his reasons? Who exactly is this Kidnapper?
How’s being a Nam-vet-turned-thief helps your logline? At 34 words, should also trim down wherever possible.
Regarding his Action- Doesn’t it involve ‘stealing’ the relic, beyond just ‘locating it’?
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