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After her village is massacred, a woman travels to a remote temple to train so she can destroy her enemies and avenge her people.
The action "..travels to a remote temple to train.." is taking away from her goal to "..avenge her people". To travel to the temple seems more primary here. The obstacle between her and the temple seems to be the story. If that is intended, it lacks the necessary conflict, i.e., What's stopping herRead more
The action “..travels to a remote temple to train..” is taking away from her goal to “..avenge her people”. To travel to the temple seems more primary here. The obstacle between her and the temple seems to be the story. If that is intended, it lacks the necessary conflict, i.e., What’s stopping her from reaching the temple/ What’s preventing her from training?
The trick lies in justifying the jump you create in narrative when she reaches the temple to train, which I guess happens well after 50 percent of the film. How do you plan to pull that off?
One more thing. To avenge her people are not the best stakes. It wouldn’t harm her not to avenge her people, it’s not like she MUST avenge them or else…
See less(They’re dead. What can she do to change that? Unless you want to write along the lines of fantasy, like something in the temple to bring them back..)
When a woman is killed after stealing a memory, a washed up detective tracks her killer, who begins to taunt him with more victims and memories.
What's the Inciting incident? Her death or his tracking down the antagonist?maybe condense it into "after tracking down?(??a memory criminal/?the man who kills for memories of his victims??), a washed up detective must _____________What becomes his GOAL?As mikepedley85 said,1. make it personal.. andRead more
What’s the Inciting incident? Her death or his tracking down the antagonist?
maybe condense it into “after tracking down?(??a memory criminal/?the man who kills for memories of his victims??), a washed up detective must _____________
What becomes his GOAL?
As mikepedley85 said,
1. make it personal.. and 2. elaborate on the nature of crime. Give us these two details, to let us root for your protagonist
Good Luck Daryl Rogerson!
See lessA group of students decide to throw one last party for their graduation aboard a luxury cruise liner, but the event slowly starts to turn into a nightmare when a stow away begins to wreak havoc on board, punishing the students for their past wrong doings.
inciting event can't be how 'a group of students decide to throw their graduation party'. Bring something which is visual and stirs up the existing state, like - when a stow away begins punishing the graduating students onboard for their past mistakes, [hero] must [goal]What's the nature of this punRead more
inciting event can’t be how ‘a group of students decide to throw their graduation party’. Bring something which is visual and stirs up the existing state, like – when a stow away begins punishing the graduating students onboard for their past mistakes, [hero] must [goal]
What’s the nature of this punishment? What’s the nature of their mistake? Seems unnatural leaving it unanswered; who’s perfect?
Good Luck?Tastybrownies 🙂
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