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A troupe of aspiring college actors board a train bound for California hoping to make it big but must fight to stay alive as they are stalked by a mysterious passenger, who is eager to steal their spotlight and will stop at nothing to get it.
Where's the protagonist?How would this mysterious passenger 'steal their spotlight'? How does it end up becoming 'a fight to stay alive'? Why didn't they contact the train authorities?You've singled out your antagonist, without establishing how after?this Inciting Event, what becomes your hero's GoaRead more
Where’s the protagonist?
See lessHow would this mysterious passenger ‘steal their spotlight’? How does it end up becoming ‘a fight to stay alive’? Why didn’t they contact the train authorities?
You’ve singled out your antagonist, without establishing how after?this Inciting Event, what becomes your hero’s Goal?
A clear format would be –
After [some college actors] are stalked by a mysterious passenger [their class representative][must fight back], as [??the stranger steals their spotlight]
After nearly dying of a heart attack, a morbidly obese junk-food addict gives herself a year to get in shape to finish the London marathon.
I'd suspend my disbelief here and ask, Who tells her to lose weight (or she'll die)? How does that happen, via a mail or a phone call... what's the visual event that incites her into hiring this personal trainer? Exactly how much pounds are we talking about? 'running in the next year's marathon' isnRead more
I’d suspend my disbelief here and ask,
Who tells her to lose weight (or she’ll die)?
How does that happen, via a mail or a phone call… what’s the visual event that incites her into hiring this personal trainer?
Exactly how much pounds are we talking about?
‘running in the next year’s marathon’ isn’t the only (or most efficient) way to lose weight.
& The most important question, How does she know it’s not a prank?
I like how it packs the play of self control, but how do you plan to sustain an entire feature length film with it? How hard is it for someone to lose weight when the stakes are one’s life!
See lessAfter she’s dumped in a nursing-home because her family can’t afford her care, a meek grandmother and a motley-crew of exploited residents attempt to steal back enough money from the corrupt facility owners to return home.
If she's "dumped" would she want to return? OR would her family receive her after she returns with the money? Maybe replace it with "sent to" to leave that as a possibility.. How you make the 'facility owners' look like complete jerks, in order to justify that robbery - becomes the key. But here's tRead more
If she’s “dumped” would she want to return? OR would her family receive her after she returns with the money? Maybe replace it with “sent to” to leave that as a possibility..
How you make the ‘facility owners’ look like complete jerks, in order to justify that robbery – becomes the key. But here’s the rub… how can you justify the robbery If they still have the option to ‘simply leave’ for another facility?
PS. which facility is it btw?
Good Luck!!
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