1. Posted: June 23, 2018In:

    When a local hotel hires a member on staff to be a ?professional sleeper? to test their bedding, he becomes haunted by a rusty old mattress.

    variable Uberwriter

    (Beyond the seemingly obvious relatedness...) "When a local hotel hires a professional sleeper" seems disconnected to "him being haunted by a rusty old mattress" i.e., what did he do to deserve "the wrath of the mattress" (possible title)

    (Beyond the seemingly obvious relatedness…)
    “When a local hotel hires a professional sleeper” seems disconnected to “him being haunted by a rusty old mattress”
    i.e., what did he do to deserve “the wrath of the mattress” (possible title)

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  2. Posted: June 23, 2018In:

    Grieving over the loss of his mother, a shy boy goes to live in the city with his unstable Uncle, who he witnesses commit a gruesome murder, and then must decide within the next 24 hours to be the the next victim or fight back.

    variable Uberwriter

    That he's "Grieving over the loss of his mother" doesn't contribute to the logline dynamics since you can edit with "a reserved orphan" I'm unsure how his "witnessing the murder" throws him into "the choice of becoming the next victim or fight back"

    That he’s “Grieving over the loss of his mother” doesn’t contribute to the logline dynamics since you can edit with “a reserved orphan”

    I’m unsure how his “witnessing the murder” throws him into “the choice of becoming the next victim or fight back”

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  3. Posted: June 23, 2018In:

    At a diversity leadership convention, a straight male accidentally walks into the women?s restroom..

    variable Uberwriter

    Agreed with Richiev. Also, An Inciting incident MUST IMPLY CONFLICT Which drives the protagonist towards an objective Goal A simple edit for the event could be -- "When a straight male accidentally GETS LOCKED into the women?s restroom........" It lacks the "high stakes" to sustain a feature lengthRead more

    Agreed with Richiev. Also,
    An Inciting incident MUST IMPLY CONFLICT
    Which drives the protagonist towards an objective Goal
    A simple edit for the event could be —
    “When a straight male accidentally GETS LOCKED into the women?s restroom……..”

    It lacks the “high stakes” to sustain a feature length film. Good Luck socs_123!!

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