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When a mobbed-up madam sends a prostitute up to the estate of a sadistic, reclusive billionaire, it sets off a chain reaction that has her and those in her organized crime circle running for their lives.
'Chain reaction' is vague. An Inciting Incident needs to be specific, since it drives the story into action. Who's your protagonist? If it is the mob-queen, why should I care about her organised crime circle? If it's the prostitute--which could be a smart decision--then the logline needs to be writtRead more
‘Chain reaction’ is vague. An Inciting Incident needs to be specific, since it drives the story into action.
See lessWho’s your protagonist? If it is the mob-queen, why should I care about her organised crime circle?
If it’s the prostitute–which could be a smart decision–then the logline needs to be written from her POV
Good Luck Alanhyde!!
REVISION // When zombies slaughter their classmates and the teacher drives off with the bus, a shy film geek must unite the survivors and use all his movie knowledge to keep everyone alive until help arrives.
Your last version-although wordy-was clearer, maybe how he MUST "unite his comrades.." is a bit extraneous. Other than that, it rocks. Good Luck mikepedley85!!
Your last version-although wordy-was clearer, maybe how he MUST “unite his comrades..” is a bit extraneous. Other than that, it rocks.
Good Luck mikepedley85!!
See lessAfter smiles directed at her begin to distort into terrifying grins, a depressed actress must find the origin before it affects everyone she knows.
Sounds intriguing as a trailer (more so after the soundtrack!!) But currently she has 2 objectives - to figure out why she's the only one and then stop it from spreading to her close ones, both of which are hard to visualize. Edit with a specific visual objective, like how can she prevent it...and yRead more
Sounds intriguing as a trailer (more so after the soundtrack!!) But currently she has 2 objectives – to figure out why she’s the only one and then stop it from spreading to her close ones, both of which are hard to visualize.
See lessEdit with a specific visual objective, like how can she prevent it…and you’re good to go ????
Good Luck mikepedley85!!