1. Posted: May 31, 2018In:

    Last one

    variable Uberwriter

    Supercool! Maybe add in an inciting incident, "After waking up in an abandoned factory site..." Both the characters have such primitive dramatic needs that I'm blown away...

    Supercool!

    Maybe add in an inciting incident,
    “After waking up in an abandoned factory site…”

    Both the characters have such primitive dramatic needs that I’m blown away…

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  2. Posted: May 30, 2018In:

    After a massive deadly zombie attack, a brave and honorable, brought back to life, police officer wants to save his town and citizens from the bloody carnivores. He goes towards achieving his goal in order to kill the last zombie leader and become ?alive? again.

    Best Answer
    variable Uberwriter

    Hello Miros!>>>After a massive deadly zombie attack... By??? ?....Or is it an Outbreak?>>>brought back to life...by whom? from which state?>>>wants to save his town and citizens from the bloody carnivores... Loglines are not about what your protagonist WANTS to do, ratherRead more

    Hello Miros!

    >>>After a massive deadly zombie attack…
    By??? ?….Or is it an Outbreak?

    >>>brought back to life…
    by whom? from which state?

    >>>wants to save his town and citizens from the bloody carnivores…
    Loglines are not about what your protagonist WANTS to do, rather what he MUST do as a result of the Inciting Incident

    Currently it reads as:
    “A cop must kill zombie leader to save town from the apocalypse”

    Also, focus on what makes it different from hundreds of other zombie films

    Good Luck!

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  3. Posted: May 29, 2018In:

    In order to defeat a plot to suppress technology that will save millions of lives, a surveillance expert must play a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with an evil multinational and the shadowy private intelligence agency that employs him.

    variable Uberwriter

    >>>In order to defeat a plot to suppress technology that will save millions of lives.... Is kinda warped, maybe try it to spell it out in terms of an Inciting Incident. Something like an EVENT: "after an evil multinational targets his client's revolutionary/lifesaving tech..." EstablishingRead more

    >>>In order to defeat a plot to suppress technology that will save millions of lives….
    Is kinda warped, maybe try it to spell it out in terms of an Inciting Incident. Something like an EVENT: “after an evil multinational targets his client’s revolutionary/lifesaving tech…”

    Establishing your protagonist as a “surveillance expert”, who must play a “deadly game of cat & mouse” still doesn’t clears up the nature of what he must do to stop the antagonist,
    What becomes his Objective GOAL?

    Maybe this bit of information: “…and the shadowy private intelligence agency that employs him” doesn’t belong in the logline format, since neither it contributes to the event-protag-goal dynamic nor it serves as a hook

    Good Luck kbfilmworks!!

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