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A young married couple who jointly own a biotechnology startup find themselves in grave danger when a multinational company uses espionage tactics to turn them against each other as part of a plot to disgrace and ruin them in order to suppress an invention that will save millions of lives.
It tells us Objective of the Antagonist rather than the Protagonist (also which of them is driving the plot?) After becoming target to this hostile multinational, what becomes their GOAL? That they are young, & 'how' their adversary plans to break them apart, seems redundant at this stage It isRead more
It tells us Objective of the Antagonist rather than the Protagonist (also which of them is driving the plot?)
After becoming target to this hostile multinational, what becomes their GOAL?
That they are young, & ‘how’ their adversary plans to break them apart, seems redundant at this stage
It is also unclear how disgracing them can suppress this rare invention
Good Luck kbfilmworks
See lessHaunted by his past, a careworn man fights against starvation and a hostile environment to find a new home for a little girl and himself in a post apocalyptic world, which not only questions his purpose in life, but if hope alone can keep you and the ?Mensch? inside you alive.
It sets up the mood pretty well but doesn't add up to drama due to its lack of specificity Which particular "past"? design it to raise the stakes & make us root for him.. Why Now? The Inciting Event is absent. What specific CONFLICT do they face in this post-apocalyptic world; without which we wRead more
It sets up the mood pretty well but doesn’t add up to drama due to its lack of specificity
Which particular “past”?
design it to raise the stakes & make us root for him..
Why Now? The Inciting Event is absent.
What specific CONFLICT do they face in this post-apocalyptic world; without which we wouldn’t know what he must overcome. Hence his objective-visual-GOAL IS MISSING
Drop “…which not only questions his purpose…..alive” entirely
focus on event-protagonist-goal:
“when [this EVENT happened], [this PROTAGONIST] must [reach this GOAL]”
Refer to “Our Rules” section on the logline.it homepage. Good Luck Nonno87!
See lessWhen her amnesiac daughter awakens next to a headless, burnt corpse in the woods, a bipolar detective must uncover the secrets of a small town and its paranormal history, to find out the truth and prove her daughter?s innocence.
Hello Ben! Your exact version, trimmed to-almost-the same effect (for 25W) "When her amnesiac daughter awakens next to a headless corpse, a bipolar detective uncovers the paranormal history of their small town to prove her innocent" Don't see much changes from here on...it seems a pretty fine loglinRead more
Hello Ben! Your exact version, trimmed to-almost-the same effect (for 25W)
“When her amnesiac daughter awakens next to a headless corpse, a bipolar detective uncovers the paranormal history of their small town to prove her innocent”
Don’t see much changes from here on…it seems a pretty fine logline to me. Good Luck with your writing!
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