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Revision: When a timid, undocumented student gets abducted, she must find the courage to escape a bleak island with four other strangers who aren’t all who they seem.
dpg is right, If your answer to "...was she abducted because she was undocumented?..." Is NO, then drop it from the logline Other than that, it should not contain "she must find the courage to..." even if you describe her as "timid" Your goal MUST be front and center
dpg is right,
If your answer to “…was she abducted because she was undocumented?…” Is NO, then drop it from the logline
Other than that, it should not contain “she must find the courage to…” even if you describe her as “timid” Your goal MUST be front and center
See lessReworked my logline, please let me know which works best.
1. Almost killed by whom? (and if she moves somewhere else it becomes her history which has no place in your logline)2. "To want to attend college" isn't a goal3. Her trading ghetto life is an event, But with no implied conflictNow her "moving to America as an illegal immigrant" is an interesting siRead more
1. Almost killed by whom?
(and if she moves somewhere else it becomes her history which has no place in your logline)
2. “To want to attend college” isn’t a goal
3. Her trading ghetto life is an event,
But with no implied conflict
Now her “moving to America as an illegal immigrant” is an interesting situation…
Personally i liked the direction we were headed in your previous thread.
Especially Richiev’s take..
When she moves with her stepdad in California, a spirited Caribbean runaway uses her homespun common sense and street-smarts to overcome the prejudice and stereotype she receives from an unwelcoming neighborhood.
A journey to fit in…
This format has scope in endless directions
See lessRemember Tokyo Drift? It’s the only film I was interested–plotwise–in the FNF franchise
RE-EDIT Escapees from a prison planet carrying proof of atrocities committed by the Corporation crash into an outpost over Jupiter. Pursued by the head of security of the prison they have half an hour to reach the communication room and alert Earth before the outpost plummets into the atmosphere.
"Pursued by prison security, the teenage escapee must lead other prisoners to the communication room with vital corporate secret, before the outpost crashes into earth" 25 words and single protagonist with clear goal However, I'm still unclear about the plot outpost......prison planet.....atrocitiesRead more
“Pursued by prison security, the teenage escapee must lead other prisoners to the communication room with vital corporate secret, before the outpost crashes into earth”
25 words and single protagonist with clear goal
However, I’m still unclear about the plot
See lessoutpost……prison planet…..atrocities(maybe being prisoner they deserve it??)….