1. Posted: June 1, 2012In:

    Dirty Filthy Supermodel. When an untidy grumpy dustbin man is knocked down by a truck, he meets a fashion conscience God at the perly gates. He's given one month to get his face on a fashion magazine to gain entry to heaven or face expulsion to hell.

    cicpisces

    Thanks. I like your rewrite, works much better. Ultimately he learns the lesson that what's inside counts but played against a background of the fashion world hopefully provides some laughs.

    Thanks. I like your rewrite, works much better. Ultimately he learns the lesson that what’s inside counts but played against a background of the fashion world hopefully provides some laughs.

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  2. Posted: June 1, 2012In:

    The story of a boy who can teleport throughout space and time, and his eventual self-inflicted downfall.

    cicpisces

    A superboy character is always very popular, but you don't tell me much about the story. I need to know who the protagonist is and not know that it ends in his downfall. It could be the first super hero film where the goal is not achieved but the fact that usually superheroes generally win in the enRead more

    A superboy character is always very popular, but you don’t tell me much about the story. I need to know who the protagonist is and not know that it ends in his downfall. It could be the first super hero film where the goal is not achieved but the fact that usually superheroes generally win in the end, should tell you something.

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  3. Posted: May 31, 2012In:

    \"A withdrawn, abused and bullied teenager, does well to keep his various and at times genius talents well hidden from his tormentors. A chance meeting with a drifter however, changes everything.\"

    cicpisces

    I agree with MONIMATA we need to know what the genius talent is. Purpose of the logline is to describe acts 1&2. You can hide the climax but not the important details about the journey. Good point is he sounds like a character we can all root for and hope to do well. Not sure what is goal is butRead more

    I agree with MONIMATA we need to know what the genius talent is. Purpose of the logline is to describe acts 1&2. You can hide the climax but not the important details about the journey. Good point is he sounds like a character we can all root for and hope to do well. Not sure what is goal is but it may be clearer once we know the talent. Need to know why he is bullied too and what’s the ghost in the past that needs to be addressed.

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