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In a post apocalyptic world a teenage girl takes refuge in a hidden valley after loosing her parents trying to escape the pandemic and reach quarantine. Discovered by a man that could lead her to safety, he instead betrays her. He takes over her camp forcing her to fight not only a man that is bigger, stronger and armed, but also the approaching winter.
It is wordy. The reason she cares about the camp is that in a In a post apocalyptic world there is nothing else. If someone takes your stuff you die. Need to get that across. I thought of putting "wants", but I am leaning towards action based description. The last bit is badly written the more I thiRead more
It is wordy. The reason she cares about the camp is that in a In a post apocalyptic world there is nothing else. If someone takes your stuff you die. Need to get that across.
I thought of putting “wants”, but I am leaning towards action based description. The last bit is badly written the more I think about it.
See lessWhen an earthquake infests an apartment complex with fast-breeding spiders, a young entomologist's plan to save the residents means forcing a war veteran survivalist from his home.
Rewording may make the pace better. Is forcing one person from their home the main trust of the story or just one of the obstacles? What makes forcing this person out so hard? Why do you call it out specifically in your logline?
Rewording may make the pace better. Is forcing one person from their home the main trust of the story or just one of the obstacles?
What makes forcing this person out so hard? Why do you call it out specifically in your logline?
See lessWhen an earthquake infests an apartment complex with fast-breeding spiders, a young entomologist's plan to save the residents means forcing a war veteran survivalist from his home.
Rewording may make the pace better. Is forcing one person from their home the main trust of the story or just one of the obstacles? What makes forcing this person out so hard? Why do you call it out specifically in your logline?
Rewording may make the pace better. Is forcing one person from their home the main trust of the story or just one of the obstacles?
What makes forcing this person out so hard? Why do you call it out specifically in your logline?
See less