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When a Hell-inspired horror theme park malfunctions, the park’s security chief must rescue thousands of visitors, including his daughter, as the attractions come to life and become Hell on Earth.
The logline is too wordy in my opinion - try to write a more concise version like the one in the previous comment. The concept is clear and kind of solid, but it's not a 'killer logline' because it has a very well know structure (a theme park going crazy like in the classic 'Westworld'). I recommendRead more
The logline is too wordy in my opinion – try to write a more concise version like the one in the previous comment. The concept is clear and kind of solid, but it’s not a ‘killer logline’ because it has a very well know structure (a theme park going crazy like in the classic ‘Westworld’). I recommend you to work on the reasons for the park to going crazy (built on an indina cemetary? more original than that…) and a clever ending.
See lessA young transgender woman must reconcile with her estranged, conservative, mother in order to carry on her sex reassignment surgery in order to be the woman she was meant to be.
I agree that there should be an objective reason to reconcile with the mother. If the reason is only psychological, the quality of the movie depend only of the writing of the script and the logline can't go too far. You could just cut "in order to be the woman she was meant to be" because it's obvioRead more
I agree that there should be an objective reason to reconcile with the mother. If the reason is only psychological, the quality of the movie depend only of the writing of the script and the logline can’t go too far. You could just cut “in order to be the woman she was meant to be” because it’s obvious. Since you presented the main character as a transgender woman, I thought she was born woman… maybe you should say a transgernder man?
See lessWhen a nuke?s tiny screw pops and triggers a countdown, a guard on night duty must find and reattach it before the missile detonates.
Me too I thought immediately that this could work (only) as a short. Anyway, it is not clear what kind of action we will see in the movie/short... what the guard does? If it's a comedy (as the tiny screww suggests) then you could stress more the genre.
Me too I thought immediately that this could work (only) as a short. Anyway, it is not clear what kind of action we will see in the movie/short… what the guard does? If it’s a comedy (as the tiny screww suggests) then you could stress more the genre.
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