1. Posted: June 13, 2015In:

    An underprivileged high school student must compromise his principles when he is taken under the wing of a corrupt businessman. However, as his pride gets the best of him, it ignites a battle of wits between mentor and protege.

    FFF Mentor

    I repeat what is said in the previous comment, because is absolutely basic. - clear inciting event - clear MC - clear goal until all this is crystal clear you have to rewrite it again and again.

    I repeat what is said in the previous comment, because is absolutely basic.

    – clear inciting event
    – clear MC
    – clear goal

    until all this is crystal clear you have to rewrite it again and again.

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  2. Posted: June 13, 2015In:

    When two unlucky brothers are unable to pay off their dead father’s debt, they must fight against the Irish Mafia and the corrupt policemen who control the streets of Boston to protect their lives and take down the oldest organized crime group in the United States.

    FFF Mentor

    I found this version much better but there's still some work to do. I agree with the previous comment. I suggest you to do some research about the irish mafia and its peculiarities, you can maybe found what kind of event can put the story in motion.

    I found this version much better but there’s still some work to do. I agree with the previous comment. I suggest you to do some research about the irish mafia and its peculiarities, you can maybe found what kind of event can put the story in motion.

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  3. Posted: June 14, 2015In:

    For years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep, but when one man manages to escape with his life, he sets off a dramatic chain of events that will ultimately reveal the hidden truth.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, writing a logline is a lot of pain: you have to identify clearly the inciting event (what put the story in motion), clearly identify you main charcater ("one man" is so vague!), and evoking mysterious things (some "hidden truth") is not a mean to build curiosity (not in a logline anyway). AndRead more

    Hello, writing a logline is a lot of pain: you have to identify clearly the inciting event (what put the story in motion), clearly identify you main charcater (“one man” is so vague!), and evoking mysterious things (some “hidden truth”) is not a mean to build curiosity (not in a logline anyway). And everything should be said in ONE SENTENCE, no more than 30-40 words.

    Take the time to think deeper about the story you want to tell, beginning, plot and end must be crystal clear in your mind (do you really know how your story ends? what is the “chain of events” your talking about? If all this is not clear, there’s no way to put that in the logline in an interesting form.

    Don’t hesitate to google some “how to write a logline” guides, it helps a lot.

    Good luck!

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