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  1. Posted: June 6, 2015In: Public

    When a schizophrenic man is released from a futuristic mental institution, specializing in curing your inner ?demons?, learns that he is being hunted by an assassin, he must rely on his fragmented memories to survive.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    it's getting better, but there's still no inciting event. You added some elements of backstory (family cases of schizophrenia). This could be something we learn in the movie that will explain something in the movie like the man is maybe a schizo. I don't think this qualifies as a characterization. WRead more

    it’s getting better, but there’s still no inciting event.

    You added some elements of backstory (family cases of schizophrenia). This could be something we learn in the movie that will explain something in the movie like the man is maybe a schizo. I don’t think this qualifies as a characterization. Who is this man? How can you emathize with him? The world “man” is too vague. In a logline every world is precious, so instead of “man” you should at least use another word that says more. Often it’s his job. “A succesful loyer”, “a dirty cop”, but the rule is that it must be something that fit with the story, possibly add some irony (A loyer accused of murder, a schizo who plays the doctor). Think about your character and your story and write something precise and appropriate. Like Syd Field (screenwriting guro) says “if you don’t know who is this man, who does?”. you must know and tell us in a word + an adjective.

    The word “mysterious” can’t be used in a logline, it’s vague and unspecific (and very much abused in bad loglines – I used it too but I won’t do it again).

    When you will include the inciting event (for exemple why the man starts investigating right now?) and a compelling character I think you can have a viable logline.

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  2. Posted: June 6, 2015In: Public

    After a mysterious new classmate places a curse on them, two teenage boys are forced to take action and unlock insidious secrets about their quaint Southern town and master their newly found gifts.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Hello, I like the setting and the idea, as a ligline you should avoid words like "mysterious","forced to take action","unlock insidious secrets", "master the new found gifts". This is very unspecific, vague. This doesn't build curiosity, it stress uncertainity about what we will see in the movie. FoRead more

    Hello,
    I like the setting and the idea,
    as a ligline you should avoid words like “mysterious”,”forced to take action”,”unlock insidious secrets”, “master the new found gifts”. This is very unspecific, vague. This doesn’t build curiosity, it stress uncertainity about what we will see in the movie. Focus about images and real actions and you’ll write a good logline.

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  3. Posted: June 6, 2015In: Public

    A boy who spent all his life believing he was weak, suddenly discovers that there is something, something special about himself. He never understood until he fell 1200 feet off a mountain during a trek; and survived without a scratch.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 6:44 pm

    Hello, this logline is a quite long description of a couple of scenes (boy week, boy fell, boy has not a scratch). You should state clearly the goal of the main character and what is against it. "When a fragile boy fell from a high cliff without a scratch, he ______________"

    Hello, this logline is a quite long description of a couple of scenes (boy week, boy fell, boy has not a scratch). You should state clearly the goal of the main character and what is against it.
    “When a fragile boy fell from a high cliff without a scratch, he ______________”

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