1. Posted: June 5, 2015In:

    On the verge of losing his job, a young record executive is assigned the task of reuniting a group of middle-aged losers, who formerly comprised an infamous, long-forgotten boy band.

    FFF Mentor

    I agree with the previous comment. McKee ('story') suggests to alternate positives and negatives to build interest, there's maybe too negatives in you logline: losing his job (-), middle age loser (-), infamous, long-forgotten boy band (-). Changing the last element to "hugely popular boy band" (+)Read more

    I agree with the previous comment.
    McKee (‘story’) suggests to alternate positives and negatives to build interest, there’s maybe too negatives in you logline: losing his job (-), middle age loser (-), infamous, long-forgotten boy band (-).
    Changing the last element to “hugely popular boy band” (+) works better.

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  2. Posted: June 5, 2015In:

    A female ex-military operative awakens to discover she has been transformed into a cyborg by a group of scientists who are challenged by her efforts to escape and retaliate.

    FFF Mentor

    I assume the cyborg is the main character, so put her clearly at the center of the plot, something like, "when an ex-military operative discovers she's been turned into a deadly cyborg, she must learn how to use her new powers to escape from a maximum security lab".

    I assume the cyborg is the main character, so put her clearly at the center of the plot, something like,
    “when an ex-military operative discovers she’s been turned into a deadly cyborg, she must learn how to use her new powers to escape from a maximum security lab”.

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  3. Posted: June 5, 2015In:

    A recently deceased couple must find a way to reconcile their marriage in the afterlife before crossing over.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, the idea is interesting, I think you should include some details aboute what we will see in the movie ans stress more the main elements of the plot. Something like: "When a recently deceased couple found herself stuck in an afterlife replica of their appartment, they learn that they must recoRead more

    Hello, the idea is interesting, I think you should include some details aboute what we will see in the movie ans stress more the main elements of the plot. Something like:
    “When a recently deceased couple found herself stuck in an afterlife replica of their appartment, they learn that they must reconcile their marriage before crossing over”.

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