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Joseph Smith escapes from heaven and comes back to earth and has to convince the world that he wasn’t lying in the first place and convert everyone to mormonism after a significant number of the church members leave .
The main character must be likable in some way, I think that would be a problem for your character.
The main character must be likable in some way, I think that would be a problem for your character.
See lessJoseph Smith escapes from heaven and comes back to earth and has to convince the world that he wasn’t lying in the first place and convert everyone to mormonism after a significant number of the church members leave .
Hello, The main problem of this logline is that you don't focus on the main character. Is Joseph Smith (founder of the Mormonism) your main character? It seems to be the MC but you presents him as a bad guy so it?s not clear what you want to do with the story. Maybe the FBI agnt is the main characteRead more
Hello,
The main problem of this logline is that you don’t focus on the main character. Is Joseph Smith (founder of the Mormonism) your main character? It seems to be the MC but you presents him as a bad guy so it?s not clear what you want to do with the story. Maybe the FBI agnt is the main character, if so he deserves a best place in the logline, for example:
“When the founder of Mormonism come back to earth with a supernatural mind control device, a christian FBI agent must stop him before he creates an army of mormonic zombies”.
All that happens in heaven with Joseph Smith is backstory and doesn’t really need to be mentioned in the logline.
I’m not sure that the name of Joseph Smith is famous enough (I never heard of him before), in case you should avoid it in the logline.
I’m not sure if you can write about a real person and put him in this kind of fiction. Maybe it?s ok for south park.
See lessAfter a young talented street musician who suffers from stage fright is moving to New York City and wanting to realize his dream of a breakthrough as a band with his brother, he falls into the hands of a greedy music producer who promises the big deal, but forces him to decide between a successful career as a solo artist or an unknown band life with his brother.
The second one is slightly better (because I don't like "breakthrough": they can't know they would breakthrough). Anyway, it's much much better than the first very long first draft. I think now the problem is to include in the logline the 'fuel' of the story. When you talk about a "choice" is a mattRead more
The second one is slightly better (because I don’t like “breakthrough”: they can’t know they would breakthrough). Anyway, it’s much much better than the first very long first draft.
I think now the problem is to include in the logline the ‘fuel’ of the story. When you talk about a “choice” is a matter of seconds, it can’t be the ‘fuel’ for a movie. If the brother or the producer put the main character in face of a choice, in a couple of seconds it’s all over (yes/no). I understand that you want a character who must grow and struggle to understand what is the correct choice but we can’t see this from the logline. Moreover, the goal of the main character is not clear enough. I see a street musician as someone who is very happy to have small money to end his day (I’m sorry this is what I see when you say street musician). So, what is the goal of the main character? To become a music star? This must be clear in the logline. Think about internal (money/family)conflict and and external (what it is?) conflict.
Once you understand what is the real goal of the MC, the rest will be clear and clean too. If he really wants to be a star, then the brother is the antagonist. Or maybe he dreams about being a star but he will learn that he will have to sacrifice his family and deal with corrupted people.
Anyway it seems to me that this movie is a ‘slice of life’ and it’s difficult to write a compelling logline for this genre.
Good luck!
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