1. Posted: May 20, 2015In:

    Short Film: After the Sun went out, the earth became a cold, dangerous and dark place and people avoid leaving the house in fear of the temperature, murderers and lack of oxygen. When a young girl, depressed by her parents disappearance, realizes her little sister has left, she must go out and find her before it's too late.

    FFF Mentor

    You can do the logline in one shrt sentence and focus more on the plot (what happens?). The description of the future world is too long and it would be better to let the reader understand how the context is connected to the story of your character. "before it's too late" is too vague. Something likeRead more

    You can do the logline in one shrt sentence and focus more on the plot (what happens?). The description of the future world is too long and it would be better to let the reader understand how the context is connected to the story of your character. “before it’s too late” is too vague.

    Something like:
    When her sister get lost in a toxic world with no sun, a young girl must face the fear of darkness to find her before she runs out of oxygen.

    good luck!

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: May 7, 2015In:

    A young man with no past, wakes up in a town where there's no future and everything's grey, meet an old man tells him he will never go back to his time unless he marry the only lady in town, who is eccentric.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, this sounds like the beginning of the movie. In a logline you should outline the plot. What happens? What problems does the main characters has to face? What does "where there's no future" means? Why an old lady can help him and how? Everything should be clear in a good logline. Something likRead more

    Hello, this sounds like the beginning of the movie. In a logline you should outline the plot. What happens? What problems does the main characters has to face? What does “where there’s no future” means? Why an old lady can help him and how? Everything should be clear in a good logline.

    Something like:
    “When a teenage amnesiac wakes up in a town where everything is sad and grey, the only way to return to his world is to seduce an eccentric old lady who has the power to send him back”.
    (You can do better than this)

    Hope that helps.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: May 7, 2015In:

    When a suicidal boy discovers his girlfriend can only die if she falls in love, the two embark on a philosophical adventure to seek out the meaning of life.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, I'm not sure to understand it. The girl dies if she falls in love? She's not in love with his boyfriend? Secondly, "pylosophical adventure" is too vague in my opinion. Maybe you can describe a little what we SEE in the movie, what kind of trip, what kind of adventure, what kind of problems thRead more

    Hello,
    I’m not sure to understand it. The girl dies if she falls in love? She’s not in love with his boyfriend?

    Secondly, “pylosophical adventure” is too vague in my opinion. Maybe you can describe a little what we SEE in the movie, what kind of trip, what kind of adventure, what kind of problems they have to face.

    See less
    • 0