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After being augmented against her will, a street-girl from a futuristic city must avoid capture by both former allies as well as the wealthy caste — sparking a civil war in which only the strongest survive.
Not bad, I just found the word "augmented" not clear enough, and maybe you could mention a 'positive' goal (you have just a 'negative' goal: escape).
Not bad,
See lessI just found the word “augmented” not clear enough, and maybe you could mention a ‘positive’ goal (you have just a ‘negative’ goal: escape).
After she finds divorce papers, a desperate make-up artist goes to extreme measures to turn herself into her husbands ideal woman, but when she discovers that he actually dreams of becoming a woman she has to face what is really keeping them together.
The new version is shorter and clearer, it's good! I personally don't like "talented but derailed", if only you could find the magic one word that can describe the character in a unique way... it would be perfect. what about "fierce make up artist"? or "unrestrainable"? or... I like the new versionRead more
The new version is shorter and clearer, it’s good!
I personally don’t like “talented but derailed”, if only you could find the magic one word that can describe the character in a unique way… it would be perfect. what about “fierce make up artist”? or “unrestrainable”? or…
I like the new version of the logline and the script could be really funny. And you have an excellent ending.
See lessA young white Afrikaner fights for the liberation of his people in an alternate history of reversed Apartheid.
Intersting. I love alternate history stories and they're rare. "alternate history of reversed Apartheid"- this shouds not very good to my ears because there are two words that works too much in the same way "alternate"/"reversed", maybe you can find something better stylistically. Maybe you can starRead more
Intersting. I love alternate history stories and they’re rare.
“alternate history of reversed Apartheid”- this shouds not very good to my ears because there are two words that works too much in the same way “alternate”/”reversed”, maybe you can find something better stylistically. Maybe you can start with a classic “in a world where…”?
Then, you can improve your logline being more specific about what kind of fight would be (pacific? violent?).
Finally, maybe you could give a clue about the fact that this is not a racist movie.
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