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When an mysterious artifact appears on the black market, a pair of dealers must outsmart the criminals of the city’s underworld in order to attain it.
Anytime I see the word "mysterious" in a logline, I see a problem.
Anytime I see the word “mysterious” in a logline, I see a problem.
See lessWhen the wildest gunslinger in the west is wanted dead, an underemployed ranch-hand sets out to capture him alive for the biggest cash reward.
If the gunslinger is wanted "dead", why there would be a bigger reward for him "alive"? The usual is "dead or alive", same reward, I think.
If the gunslinger is wanted “dead”, why there would be a bigger reward for him “alive”?
See lessThe usual is “dead or alive”, same reward, I think.
When the memories of his deceased family are stolen by a corrupt government official, a former extractor must obtain material from a highly secure cloud service for human memory to have them restored.
In my opinion the inciting incident is the stealing of the memories of his daughter and wife. I like this, it's a clever variation from 'kidnapped wife/daughter'. This is what push it to action: a classic (but original) blackmail. And this give him room to change, like forget about his memories andRead more
In my opinion the inciting incident is the stealing of the memories of his daughter and wife. I like this, it’s a clever variation from ‘kidnapped wife/daughter’. This is what push it to action: a classic (but original) blackmail. And this give him room to change, like forget about his memories and do something good for the world (adn/or for himself, like moving on).
Then the story get confused… I think the main character is supposed to perform a hacking for the bad guys but at the end he will act for himself and beat the bad guys.
I like the concept, I suggest you to write a 4 pages and then go back to rework the logline.
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